The Hose Boys' Haunted Halloween Party 2026

Hey everybody, welcome to Scared All the Time presents the Hose Boys Haunted Halloween Party. I am Chris Collari, one of your hosts. You know my co-host, Mr. Ed Vicola. We are here as the Hose Boys, which we'll get to in a second, but we also have Two incredible guests at our haunted Halloween party. We have Allie from Let's Get Haunted and Cassidy from Drinking the Kool-Aid. Hello. Hello. Hello. Thank you so much for joining us at the spooky Halloween party here in hell, where it is a thousand degrees in this studio right now. We've got our drinks going on. We've got water. We've got beers. Oh, and I should introduce the... Well, actually, Allie, I'll let you introduce her. Allie has brought a guest with her to the party. She did check in advance to make sure she wasn't just bringing some sort of a straggler along with her. Who is our guest? Today, we are honored to be joined by the very special Suzanne. Suzanne has no last name. She's got a really big heart. She loves to party. And yes, this is a haunted doll. Confirmed. So this doesn't even feel like a plus one. That feels like a plus multiple because who knows how many spirits are up in there. Allegedly, there's only one spirit that died by being hit by a car while riding a bike. I got a whole backstory bio with this doll. The spirit that died while riding a bike and got hit by a car was Suzanne's, what's her name? Suzanne. Suzanne. Was the doll in the bike basket at the time? No, the bio I got specifically said they don't know why the soul decided to attach to this doll. It's one of life's greatest mysteries. Well, maybe by the end of this episode, we will get to the bottom of the mystery, although I doubt it. I wouldn't hang on waiting for any answers there. But yes, we are here to celebrate Halloween in a way that only we can here at Scared All the Time with our friends. I think the best way to start any Halloween party is is with a little bit of an icebreaker. So the first thing we're going to do is explain why we chose these costumes. So I would throw it to Ed to explain our costumes, but I'm not sure he even knows why we chose these costumes. He just went along with it. I also realized that I didn't look at the rundown for tonight's anything. It's going to be a surprise for Ed, moment to moment. Just like the listeners. That's why I'm drinking a lot out of the you-don't-know-what's-in-it cups. Yeah. Do you want to tell us what's in it? I don't. So we are the hose boys, because if you've been listening to the show, kind of, it was really in one of the probably first 10 episodes, we named ourselves the hose boys after a high school job that I used to have, where I would get up at four in the morning, go to Hershey Park and take a fire hose and hose down all of the paths in the park. We would push all the leaves and trash into the drains and then go home nice and early and get to have good summer days. Ed never worked that job, but we consider him an honorary hose boy. And since then, the hose boys have talked about releasing some records together. I believe we've started a hose boys production company, but we had never shown anyone what the hose boys look like. So this is the official hose boys costume, except the hose that I used to use was more of a fire hose and a garden hose. But those are expensive. So we didn't get those for our party. And that is who we are dressed as. We are not mechanics with bad nooses around our necks. We are the hose boys. Allie, how about yourself? Can I just start by saying that I did not know how to pronounce the word C-O-S-T-U-M-E until I started my podcast. I had been pronouncing it incorrectly for The whole time, and nobody ever corrected me for my entire life until I started my podcast. Can we all take guesses of how we think you've been pronouncing it? Yeah, I want you to guess. Costume? That's so close. Okay. It's a little worse. Custom? That is, yes, basically. Costume. Costume. Costume. Oh, wow. Costume. Where are you from? California. Oh, you got no excuse. I think it's just one of those things. Look, I say Cran and Rune. I get it. I say Cran. Yeah. Isn't it Cran? Sure. What's it supposed to be? Crayon. Oh, get the fuck out of here. Are you guys coupon people or coupon people? Coupon. I'm a coupon. Okay. Big coupon guy. My mom had some weird pronunciations of things. She was from New England. And so the one thing that I remember my teacher beating up on me about was my mom didn't really have an accent. But instead of story, growing up, she would say starry. Like I read you a starry. And it was one of the only things that I had that weird Boston A accent thing going. And I remember like a fourth grade teacher being like, I'm sorry, you read a what? And I was like, a story. And she was like, it's a story. And I like my stomach plummeted and I was like, oh no. Then ever since then, I've mispronounced every other word on our podcast and plenty of others. But I feel like custom, people probably thought that they probably were like, oh, wow, she's still working on her accent. I'm like, she's high society. Yeah, yeah, like I'm very posh. She just came off the West End. Actually, I just came out of the Zeta Reticuli star system. I am an alien, and my favorite... We're talking about costumes, guys. Yeah, we're talking about costumes. I'm going to force everyone to say costume to make me feel better, because I was very embarrassed once I realized that's not how you say it. But yeah, I am from the Zeta Reticuli star system. One of my favorite episodes we ever did over on Let's Get Haunted was that of Skinny Bob. If you don't know the lore of Skinny Bob, one of the most famous alien videos ever produced and uploaded to YouTube. It's very controversial. Some people think it's real. Some people think it's blatantly fake. I don't really care. I just think he's cute. So I am Skinny Bob's cousin, Skinny Patricia. All right. Well, Skinny Patricia, welcome to Earth. I hope you enjoy snacks and drinks and the customs we have here on Halloween. I believe it's pronounced custom. Custom. It's custom. Custom. Enjoy the local customs. It's great. You won't be able to tell when we're too drunk. Custom. It's a running bit that's just alcoholism. Oh, my God. What if everyone who listens to my show just thought I was an alcoholic this whole time? I'm sure you'll give them other reasons to think that, not just the one. She's one mispronunciation. She's lowering her words. It's crazy. She's out of control. That's why I listen. She's just like me. She's so relatable. So Cassidy, how about you? Hello. I'm Mothman. Maybe you've heard of me. I've been to West Virginia. I've got a fine ass. And people like to put dollars in it. And you know what? I'm not going to fight that. Yeah. It's gone viral. Is that part of your costume? Crosstrom costume? Imagine I turn around, there's just a bunch of ones in my hand. Do you have the tramp stamp that the Mothman statue has? Did you see someone put a tramp. Stamp on it? I did, I did. No, but that is a great idea. I should do that for a nice bar reveal if I go forward with this costume on actual Halloween. It is nice to have levels to a costume, things you can reveal to people as the night goes on. It's like a, Oh, it's like an onion, as they say in Shrek. It has layers. Is that from Shrek? Yeah, it is from Shrek. I think onions had layers before Shrek. They did. I heard that that was actually a whole marketing thing for onions. An onions collab? It was a big onion. That was all big onion. Oh my God. Hashtag onions. I was at Monsanto. It goes all the way to the core. I was buying these. The bulb. I was buying these. And a lot of Shrek represented in the Halloween costume aisle, which is like, when's the last Shrek thing? You know what I mean? It's pretty cool. He's still doing it. They're coming out with a new one soon. Another one, yeah. Are they really? These derpy memes are keeping it afloat. The derpy memes are keeping it afloat. And somebody told me that Puss in Boots is actually an incredible movie. It just happens to be an animated children's film. I've also heard that. No, I refuse. You've seen it. It's Antonio Banderas, right? No, I've never seen it. I just... I refuse things on sight. Yeah. I just sound strong. Not on sight, on idea. I can't imagine that an Antonio Banderas-led Puss in Boots spinoff of Shrek that came after Shrek 4 is a good movie. But apparently... I've only heard good things. Yeah. So I'll watch it someday. Do you guys want to know a fun Shrek fact? Yes. I know how to sign like a good like 75% of that movie because it was my final in sign language three when I was in high school. And then I carried around a DVD copy of Shrek in my backpack for the rest of the year. And I became, that was like my thing. Whenever anybody was like, oh, fuck, I need a pencil. I'd be like, can this help? And I would like pull out a copy. That was my running bit. It did not go over well. That's really bad. That's really good. I did not go over well with 17 year olds who needed a pencil. But you were like one of the original Shrek memes then. I was trying. I was trying my hardest. I thought you were just like hoping to be any situation where you can get people to play it and be like, I'm going to sign it as well. Like while you guys watch. Hey guys, I'm just going to go to the left. Is anyone hard of hearing in here? I can point towards you specifically. Well, I was going to say you should just go outside the window and sign for the duration of this episode. How do I spell costumes? Oh, wow. With a Y-U-M at the end. Y-U-M. It's so much funnier that you did it for strictly dick reasons. Where it was like, oh, we can't let you in without an ID. And you see someone, you look at them, and you're like, oh, will this help? No, that's literally what I would do my entire senior year of high school. I was just like, anytime anybody needed something, anyone have a stick of gum? I'm like, oh, wait, does this help? And it would be a copy of Shrek. I mean, it's great that you had a bit. I don't think I know anyone in high school who had... a running bit. There was one girl who I think started speaking with like an English accent at one point. Is that a bit? That's mental illness in me. It might have been. We went to college with a guy. That's a cry for help. Went to college with a, I won't say his name right now. Oh yeah. Who was Australian for like two years. Yeah. Just full, was like, I'm just going to be unbreak, not break from being Australian. But people knew that he wasn't? We did. But if you met him, you didn't know. I went on like three dates with a guy once and he was Australian and like he had family in Australia and he spoke with an Australian accent. And then I met like three people who knew him and they were like, he isn't, His like parents moved to Australia, but he's not from Australia. That is terrifying. He does not have an Australian accent. Wow. That's commitment. Yeah. This person like never broke from it from like sophomore year to like. I think he's like a semi-successful comedy writer now. This guy. Yeah. I'm saying. It was research. Well, he's like committed to bits. Yeah. If you're committed to a bit, you can be a failed podcaster like me. You either have to do it 100% or not even start. So I guess that makes sense that he carried it on for two years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because you can't just start it for a day and then stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can. I'm living proof of that. Just insert whatever. So, Ed, we are to you, but I've already explained our costumes. Yeah, you don't have to say shit. Well, so hold, but you do. Because we're going to come back the other way and we're going to do- What. Is this, the fantasy draft? We've got a next little icebreaker. You ready? Snake draft. So here we go. Snake draft. You've got snake draft. It feels like backdraft in here right now. No. It's so hot. Only because we're wearing costumes. It's so hot. We are going to do the next game at the Halloween party where we're sweating to death is we're going to do a- Puddle or person? Welcome, Alex Mack. We're going to do some quick Halloween confessions. So, Ed, we're going to start with you since we're down there. And the confessions we're going to start with is, what is the worst costume you ever wore for Halloween? Oh. Yeah, I'm not a Halloween guy. You know this. No, I know. So every year I don't dress up, people get pretty upset. But the worst costume. This is it. It's on display. That's a cheat. No, because it's fucking true. And the few times I've dressed up, it's always simple. Hobo, doctor, whatever. Like, easy stuff. All the major careers. Yeah. The two life paths you can take. But I was crumb or whatever from Ah! Real Monsters. And I have pictures, photographic evidence. It's a great one. It's me, my friend Pat, and my friend Lex were like the three Ah! Real Monsters in the backyard. And I think it was a good costume, but no one knew what I was, so it was ultimately a bad costume. I knew what you were. That was a good costume. I know, but unless I, like, held my arms up with the balls and. Yeah. And then explained, like, it's all real monsters, and if you're not born in that very particular... slot where that was a show for you yeah now i'm just like a guy wearing like a nude colored outfit you know with like drawn on crazy armpit hair and huge ball sack yeah yeah holding up balls yeah i look like a like a spaghetti monster predator yeah yeah so i guess it's technically the best and worst. Costume okay all right cassidy how about. You Well, I didn't know what you meant by worst. I didn't know if you meant most cancelable. You can define it however you want. Worst, because we're going most cancelable from ages four to seven. I was Pocahontas every year. Okay, all right. With face makeup? No. Okay. No, my parents didn't go that crazy, but I was a real big fan of the film. Okay, let's say I played that VHS out until it literally broke. Color of the Wind. Oh, my gosh. You can see them all. You can paint with them all. Okay. But no, I would say probably my worst costume, oh man, probably when I was hipster Ariel. Do you remember when that meme was going on where somebody put the black glasses? Oh, put glasses on her? Oh, yep. So at the time, I was really into cosplay, and I had this really sick Poison Ivy cosplay. So I had this beautiful red wig, right? But I was like, I can't just do what I do for cosplay for Halloween. I need to throw something else together. And I was really big on Tumblr at the time. Fun fact about me, I had a secret Tumblr account that was pretty big on Tumblr. And that would, like, repost, like, memes and, like, sad vampire stuff. Sure. A lot of Shrek. A lot of sexy Shrek. A lot of barely, you know, tastefully nude Shrek. But I was, like, really obsessed with this, like, hipster Ariel meme. It was, like, the first meme I ever encountered. This was, like, 2012 or whatever. It's the first meme you found sexy. Yeah. But it's, like, this, like, picture of Ariel. But they, like, put hipster glasses on her. It's, like, her up on the rock. No, she's wearing, like, her little white and blue outfit. And she has the black. The black thick glasses on. I guess I miss, I'm not conflating two memes. And it's like, you mean like whatever. Like you'd be like, oh, I love Death Cab for Cutie. And so you'd be like, they're not as good as Postal Service. Like that type of thing, whatever. And so I dressed up as that. I wore like a blue skirt and a white top and the glasses and my big red wig. And I carry around a fork to brush my hair with. And the entire night, everyone was like, what the fuck are you supposed, they like pissed, and people were really genuinely annoyed. She should leave. And then I would have to explain it, and then I kept having to like, pull up on like my iPhone 3. That's not great. Like a photo of. One of the memes, and be like, hey, yeah, so like this, and they'd be like, Well, yeah, but like, what the fuck does that even mean? And I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm online a lot. I don't have a lot of friends. I do like, this is an iPhone 3, so it's different, but I do like the idea of asking someone for their Wi-Fi password so that you can pull up what you are on your phone. And it takes like seven minutes? Like, you're holding everyone hostage. Yeah, and they don't give a shit. Is it a one or is it an exclamation point? Like, what is it? Hold on. Which one are caps? Which one are caps? Does it matter? Yeah, it was a real, I was a real downer. And then at one point, I just remember I was standing alone. kitchen and this guy dressed as Reservoir Dogs came up to me and just put his gun to my head and was like, should I spit. You out of your misery? And I was like, oh my God, probably. Wow. We are good friends now. Okay. All right. No second locations with that guy. It's been a lifelong friendship, actually, ironically. Good. You're trauma bonded, it sounds like. Yeah. Allie, how about you? Did you ever have, what's your worst costume? It's so hard because I do think there are so many, but For the majority of my life, I feel like I'm just some variation of a whore for Halloween every year. It changed when. I hit 30. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But pre-30, it would be like a cop. And you're like, are you sure that's what you are? Or are you just in a swimsuit? Or a bunny? But when I was in high school, you kind of jogged my memory. My whole thing was that I was in love with Juanez. Does anyone know who Juanez is? No. I do. He was a musician. I was obsessed. What was his... I don't remember his single... Uh, La Camisa Negra. Okay. My Spanish teacher was a big Juanes fan. I always forget that you're a fake white. Obsessed. You're an undercover white. Undercover white. I always forget. Is there anything you won't be an undercover of? Undercover alien. Undercover white. Undercover whore. No, that's pretty much front and center. Yeah, that's true. The bathing suit gave that away. I will be putting ice in my tits eventually on camera. No, but. I dressed up as his groupie two years in a row for Halloween. And nobody knew what I was because nobody knows who Juanez is. And also, it's not like he has a groupie that is well known. But I would just dress as some variation of like a rock and roll, yeah, groupie. And then I would have a picture of him like taped to my stomach. Where you wanted his baby to be. There you go. That's what I would have been like. Come on, people. Don't you understand? That's where babies go. This is where babies go. Come on. There's layers to this. Have you never seen an onion? God damn it. Man, my worst costume. I feel like you guys all have me beat. My officially lamest costume was in fourth grade. my sisters and I and my cousins went as the food groups for Halloween. And I wore, I was so cute. I was a basic four was my favorite cereal. I don't know if you guys remember basic four. Is your mom a school teacher by any chance? No, she was, she did a lot of things. She was mostly left to in the kitchen in front of a box of cereal. At one point, I mean, at one point she did do some, some special education teaching, but I don't think that had anything to. Do with it. I think she just, there was, my sister was really into cows as an animal. So like she wanted to be a cow. And then I don't remember what my cousins were, but I do, there's pictures of me in a basic four cereal box. That is just like, not celebratory, not interesting. I don't even know if anyone knew what the cereal was. I went as a presidential fitness test. Yeah. But then the worst adult costume I ever had was, uh, my writing partner and I, like two years after we moved out here, uh, we were like trying to come up with something clever and cheap. And she, we decided that she would go as dead Nancy drew and I would go as a dead Hardy boy, but we got like a little too aggressive with it. And so we had like the, the costumes looked good, but then we did like a lot of very violent, like bruises and blood. And she had carved bitch into her forehead. Like somebody had like killed her and left her in a ditch kind of thing. And people were, and I carve bruises. liar like pretending to carve liar or something into my forehead and people were just like what is this like. This seems you're upsetting the other yeah. We were like we're dead hardy boy and nancy drew and they were like cool cool cool never got invited back to those. Little manson-esque a little manson-esque yeah we went a little too far with it we should have reigned in. Oh, with forehead art? Yeah. With the forehead carvings. Before we move on to the next section, I was, an actual memory unlocked when we were speaking, which is crazy. If anyone's watching, back up, you'll see the moment in my face. But, yeah, I went, so I went to a Catholic school for high school and the, like you could dress up for Halloween. It's like one of the few days you don't have to wear a uniform, but the one rule the school had is you couldn't go as a public school student. Like could just come in normal clothes and be like, I'm a public school student. That said, I went as a Dragon Ball character. Which one? The Great Saiyaman. Yeah. Not, he was already a deep cut. So Gohan, when he got, when Gohan became like an adult, he became a superhero in town called the Great Saiyaman. And so like, I had my mom help me make a Great Saiyaman outfit, which is basically like black tights and like a green thing up top of it. And literally everyone in school thought I was Robin Hood. And the first like two or three periods, I was like, great, stay a bit. It's like I brought a picture that I had to like print because it wasn't. That is the worst. And it's on my Trapper Keeper. Yeah. And I taped it to my stomach. Yeah. And and then by like the fourth period, I was like fucking Robin Hood, dude. Yeah. You got to roll with it at a certain point. Yeah. It was like halfway through lunch, you just like crumpled up that, threw it in the trash dramatically. I was like so early, like way too early to anime. Now those kids are cool. But like back then, like I did not think it was cool. I made my own like, but yeah, it was crazy. I forgot I did that. I blacked that out until like right now. It's so crazy. All right, let's do one more Halloween confession and then we'll move on to another party game. And this might this one might not apply to everybody, but I'm curious. Do any of you have a neighborhood rumor or urban legend that scared the shit out of you as a kid? Yes. Like related to Halloween? Well, yeah, sure. But whatever. Like, was there one that really got you good? Cassidy, you've got one. Well, yeah, because there was a girl who went missing. She was a little bit older than me. I'm sorry. This is really true crime right on the back. Yeah, that's a real thing. It's not going to happen again. No, no, no. I remember her name very specifically. Her parents are still looking for her. Her parents are still alive. She went missing like a couple years while we were living there, but she was a couple years older than me, I remember, and it was a big deal. But the thing that all the kids in the neighborhood said was that it was the ice cream man who did it. Oh, that is creepy. Because as her older sister had said, they had heard the ice cream man, and so she had run inside to get money for the ice cream man. And then she had come back out and her little sister was gone. But the pedal on her bike was still spinning. Oh, my God. And so that was like all around like our entire area. You can bleep her name. If it's too dark. That is scary. But that was like the big one in my neighborhood was that the ice cream, like to be afraid of the ice cream man. So the ice cream man song was always really spooky to me. Did they ever interview that guy? It was not him. He was not even in it. He was actually on like four streets over. Gotcha. Okay. Like literally serving ice cream to children like you're supposed to, like a normal person. Right, right, right. Yeah, but it was just one of those urban legends in my town that just became, like, solidified because it was connected to a true crime thing that happened. Wow, that is scary. And it is so easy to, like, I mean, it would have been in terribly poor taste, I guess. But around Halloween, if people just had, like, ice cream truck music playing, it would be an extra creepy thing to do. That's not universal, right? Like, some of it's, like, whatever in the straw, turkey in the straw. Ice cream truck music? Yeah, like. Turkey in the Straw, I would say, is probably maybe the number one hit for ice cream men. My mom told me that the ice cream man made his ice cream in trash cans growing up, and that's why I was. Never allowed to have it. And then I believed it for way too long. And then maybe like six years ago, I don't know how ice cream trucks came up in conversation, but I was like, Mom, do you remember that I really wanted ice cream and you told me that the guy made it out of his... out of trash cans. Like, why did that guy have a job? And my mom was like, oh no, that's not true. That's not a real thing. I just said that because I didn't want you to eat it. Wow. I just didn't want to pay the $ 3. 50 for you to have a Powerpuff Girls thing that he allegedly made in his trash can. That was a trash can that was full of inventive techniques. He's churning that ice cream in the trash. Somehow it looks like Bugs Bunny and he's got fucking bubbles over there, too. God damn. You don't come up with ideas like the gumballs are the. Eyes, except by the glow of a trash can fire to stay warm. Yeah, of course. Ed, did you have one? Ice cream? Yeah, my family wasn't fucking insane. No. An urban legend that scared you. Melonheads. Right. Which we haven't done an episode on, but I'm from like a Melonhead area. Oh, we did an episode on that. I don't know what that is. Melonheads. I don't either. I'm waiting for Chris to research it. But told as a kid, I'm from like a Melonhead part of the country where like there are these people like be in before a certain amount of time because it's just crazy. Kind of like Hills Have Eyes ass, like. Mutated people in the woods. Yeah, were they like experimented on or were they kids with hydrocephaly that were taken into the woods and then left there and then they inbred and became the Melonheads? There's lots of different theories. So I'm from a Melonhead area. Yeah, okay. But they didn't have a heavy Halloween presence. No, apparently they took the night off because no one brought them up on Halloween. Everyone was like, yeah, go out there so mom and dad can fuck or whatever. Right, right. I don't know what, but kids were out. They were out doing stuff. Melonheads, the one night they're not out, kids. Is Halloween. Go get the fuck out of here. See, I'm just picturing like the Lemonhead commercials where you eat a Lemonhead and it turns into a giant lemon. That's bad. That's also not Lemonheads, was it? It was Lemonheads and Gushers. And Gushers had a similar thing. Gushers. You shouldn't be doing that. promoting that your head changes shape. If you eat Gushers, it did though. But does your brain also expand with the head? Oh, fuck. You're super smart for like 18 minutes as a lemon. Oh my God, it's torture. Yeah. You know everything. You understand the concept of eternity and then you just go back to being nine. One time, okay, this is completely unrelated, but Cassidy, you just unlocked this memory that I haven't thought about. All Lemonheads come with a third eye. I'm a key tonight, apparently. I'm unlocking all sorts of memories. When I was a kid, so I was very, very nerdy. And there was one of our school bullies rode my bus. And I remember one time in like fourth or fifth grade around the same time i was basic four for halloween when everyone else was discovering football and girls uh yeah this guy was like i i was trying i was trying to come up with something to prove to these to these guys that i was tough and so i read i think in one of the novelizations of an x-files episode about this thing called road hypnosis where you could Some truckers or people that were looking out the window as they were driving, they'd see the lines on the road and they would like get hypnotized by them and they wouldn't like feel anything or they'd go into this hypnotic state. So I told this kid that, um, I was, that he could, cause he would like, you know, um, what did they call it? When they would like punch you in the arm, not beating you up, but there was. Like a dead arm. Yeah. So he would like give me dead arms on the bus. And one day I was like, you can give me all the dead arms you want. I'm actually, I'm going to have road hypnosis. So I won't even feel it. So I was like looking out the window and just staring at the road while he was like punching my arm over and over and over again. And this happened, it happened on and off for a while where I would tell him about this and he would just punch my arm. And then at one point I remember feeling like I have to I have to like say something like I have to, I have to have some reason that I've been doing the road hypnosis. Like I need to let him know that I'm not just sitting there and letting him punch me. And I remember one time I told him when we got off the bus, I was like, you know, while I was in hypnosis, I figured out that the universe is a circle. And he was like, what? Sorry. And I was like, actually, yeah, I was like, well, because the universe is infinite. And if it was a square, it would have sides. So it's a circle. And he was like, I'm going to hit you twice as hard. I was just so proud of myself. I'm going to hit you so much harder on the drive home. You better hypnotize yourself. Fifth grade revelation that I pretended to have and didn't help at all. Is it called asceticism where you self-flagellate to become closer to the universe? Yeah, that's kind of what you were doing. It's just the plot to the movie Martyrs. What are we doing here? Can I tell you about my urban legend growing up? Okay, we had Chivo Man. Chivo means goat. Okay. And Goat Man was said to haunt the railroad tracks in Ventura, California. And if you went down to the railroad tracks with a date and you were making out with them in the car... We can't have that. Chivo man was going to sneak up on your car and just rip your window down and attack you. Oh, no. Was there ever any, were there, like, did people in your school, like, lean into that? Did people say they saw the goat man? Did the pregnancy rates actually go down? Yeah. Maybe that's what it was. It was like an elaborate safe sex campaign. It absolutely was. Yeah. They added making outs to it. No one was like, If you're kissing, the mallet heads will come. They're just like, if you're out, the mallet heads. This is a very targeted lore. Good point. Good point. Yeah, people definitely talked about it. And some people would say that they would hear like the clip-clop of goat feet while they were making out with someone by the railroad tracks. I would use it all the time to get out of stuff. Was that clip-clop? We should go. To get out of making out with people. I just had so many people to make out with. I would just be like, sorry. I was so booked and busy. Yeah. I would keep an audio recording of clipping and clopping that would play. Like in Monty Python. Yeah, yeah. And hire a guy with coconuts. That's a good one. That's a good, we actually covered Did we cover a Goatman or was it Bunnyman on the show? I think we did cover a Goatman. There's a Goatman bridge and a Bunnyman bridge. We did the Goatman bridge, yes. But it wasn't the Ventura Goatman. No, no. It was the one in West Virginia or something. Yeah, Popelik Monster. Popelik. Popelik. We did the Popelik. One of those is real. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I love this. You guys, you've got, these are good urban legends. These are good costumes. This party is off to a great start. Before we move into our segments for the night, I wanted to play one other game. You guys probably know this game. I've renamed it very cleverly for this Halloween episode. Two treats and a trick, but it's two truths and a lie. A game that many of us are familiar with, although I'm just realizing right now that Ed probably doesn't even remember I told him to get ready for this. Costumes falling apart! You can take your name tag off. We're relaxing. We're having a good time. We know your name. Undo that hose. It keeps slipping. Let the hose loose, my friend. So Ed's never played this game. I did try to explain it to him, but maybe it would be fun if Allie and Cassidy, do you guys want to re-explain Two Truths and a Lie to Ed just so that we can get off on the right foot here? Take it, Mothman. Yeah, so basically the idea is you say three facts about yourself. Two of them are true. One of them is false. And you present them to the audience. And then everybody votes on which one they think is the lie. Right. And the only hard part with this for me, Ed, is I tried to come up with two truths and a lie that you might not know. But I think you probably. Know enough about me. Well, you have to guess because otherwise it could be a tie. So you have to put your hand up. But you might know, so I don't know. I tried to think of stuff you've forgotten about me, maybe. I forget the episodes we do a day after we do them, so why would I not forget everything else? Yeah, that's true. All right. Well, I'll kick this off here with two treats and a trick. My three facts are, one, I wrote a script for John Carpenter. Two, I am in a Limp Bizkit music video. Three. Scared All the Time is going to have the world's best psychic on the show. Whoa. Don't come to me first, we're trying to write down ideas. You're on Scared All the Time. I'm on the show. Okay, I'm gonna guess. Okay. I want this to be true, but I'm gonna say it's false. I don't think you were in a Limp Bizkit video. Cassie, do you have a guess? I feel like I know that you wrote a script for John Carpenter, so I'm gonna have to second the Limp Bizkit. Okay. And I guess actually now that I think about it, Ed, you do know at least one of these is true. In that case, I don't know what to do. I'm going to go with Limp Bizkit as well. Okay. You're all wrong. So I was in a Limp Bizkit music video. I've never written a script for John Carpenter. Which music video? This is a big deal. It is. And I wish we could show it, but I can show you guys. I can't play it for everybody. Can you reenact it? No. Clear the floor. My role in it is fairly active. So no, I can tell you about it, though. So my friend, one of the people we went to Emerson with, was producing music videos for a while. And a woman she knew was directing what was supposed to be Limp Bizkit's big comeback video. This was in like 2010, maybe. Oh, interesting. And I was the assistant director. So I was the person... on set. I got hired like right before because it came together really quickly. So I was supposed to be on set, keeping everybody on schedule, keeping everything moving forward on time. And it immediately turned into a really difficult job because I don't know if you guys know this, but Fred Durst has directed some movies. And turns out Fred Durst actually really knows what he's doing. Yeah. I was shocked being on set. The woman who was directing the video was friends with their guitarist, Wes Borland. And she also knew what she was doing, but it wasn't what Fred Durst wanted her to be doing. So the schedule went out the window like right away. And I was trying to keep everything together. And in the middle of all of it, the video was basically they're playing in a cul-de-sac in a garage in the suburbs. And these like, you know, big boobs swimsuit models show up and all this kind of Limp Bizkit chaos is going on in the neighborhood. And there was a person who was supposed to show up and be like in a fat suit hanging out with the band, like one of those inflatable ones that you turn the little motor on and it gets really big. And that person as the AD, I had to get there on time and I kept calling them and I kept calling them and they just weren't picking up their phone. It was just some day player actor who either forgot that they were in a very cheap Limp Bizkit music video or just decided they didn't want to show up. And I had had a, in college when we made short films, every once in a while, it became kind of a running joke that I would like cameo and stuff. And my friend Tina, who was producing the video was like, Kalari, put on the fat suit. And I was like, I have to run the set. I can't put on the fat suit. And she was like, this whole thing's fucked. Just put on the fat suit. I put on the fat suit and I got to come out. Like I was, it was like a nerd in a fat suit and like do some stuff. And then during the chorus, I got to jump on a trampoline next to Fred Durst and headbang with him. I was like, little me was, I didn't really like Limp Bizkit that much growing up, but it was cool. And then they never released the video. So I still have access to a cut of. It, which is why I can't show it. I was wondering why you couldn't show it. I can show you guys. They ended up reshooting. They released a video for the song, but it's them on tour. It's just like a tour video. And I think they cut a little bit of the footage from that day into the. Video. But yeah, so I was in a Limp Bizkit music video and Fred Durst was very nice and very good at his job. Limp Bizkit's having a little bit of a renaissance right now amongst the Gen Z youth. They are. And I think, I mean, people have all different opinions on Limp Bizkit. I think I actually appreciate them more now than I did as a kid when I was very... In middle school, high school, I was trying to have good taste. And people were like, Limp Bizkit was a stupid band to like. So I was like, ow, fuck these guys. I really think Break Stuff... I've said this on the show before. This is maybe controversial, but at least... In terms of stupid aggro caveman boy music, the song Break Stuff, it really doesn't get much better. Like I think they distilled whatever that is into Break Stuff. And I feel like you can put that song on now and it is cool to get pumped up. Brings me back to Woodstock 99, am I right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, and I think they're having a resurgence now because they're finally not taking themselves seriously. I don't know that they ever, well, they certainly did. And then by the time they tried to stop, I think it was too late. But anyway, yes, I was in Limp Bizkit music video and I will show you guys the video later. Sorry, if you're a listener, you cannot see it. I had a Woodstock 99 compilation on cassette tape growing up. Shut up, really? And it was a live version of one song for each band. Amazing. And I just remember G Love and Special Sauce. Does anyone remember? Yes. I think I maybe at some point had the Family Values tour. CD or something that was similar to the same bands that were at Woodstock 99. But Allie, how about yourself? What are your two tricks and a treat? My two tricks and a treat. I think I pulled an Ed on this one and I was so focused on my segment that I have prepared for you all today that I forgot to write them down, but it's okay because as you were talking, I thought of some stuff. Okay. Here are my two treats and a trick. Number one, Growing up, my across-the-street neighbor murdered somebody, and then the SWAT team came because he had a rocket launcher in the backyard. Number two, I speak five languages. Number three, when I was in college, Adrian Garnier asked me to drive my truck to pick up a big sign for some charity party he was having and then invited me to the party because And I was underage and I drank a lot of alcohol there. Okay. All right. So this is two treats and a crime. I feel like I know that you speak five languages. I feel like that might be something I know. I was about to be like, this bitch only speaks four. I know it. Oh, that's true. Sometimes the specific number is like the trick. That's where they get you. That's where they get you. That's the trick and the treat. Cassidy, are you leaning one direction or another? I'm going to say she only speaks four languages or she speaks six. I'm going to say five. Five is a, it's a red herring. That's my guess. And then what about, what's the first thing she said? That her neighbor murdered somebody and the SWAT team came because they had a rocket launcher in the backyard. I'm going language as well. Well, right. Because those bookends, the first one and the second one are so crazy. Well, the third one's very believable. I've heard of many Adrian Grenier stories. So that one I'm chalking up is true. It's between the other two. She probably met him hitchhiking. But the first one could also be like he had an assault rifle in his backyard. Oh, that feels, yeah. I've said what I'm going to say. We're all voting two. Two of us are voting that this bitch doesn't speak specifically five languages. It could be four, it could be six. I mean, cool lady. This visitor from Zeta Reticulum. Oh my gosh. Skinny Patricia. She's gonna go home. Call me by my Christian name. Okay, you guys are gonna go language, right? Yeah. Okay, I'll go it wasn't a rocket launcher, it was like an assault rifle or something. You are both correct. I do not speak five languages. Can I tell you the rocket launchers? Yes, absolutely. How many languages do you speak? None. No, I know it's more than one. No, it's three. Two fluently. One, I minored in in college, so I can read it, but I wouldn't feel comfortable speaking it. So I speak Spanish and I speak English, and then Italian, which is your purview, I minored in in college. And so at one time, I felt very confident speaking it. And I used to go to, even though I'm not Catholic, I would go to Catholic Mass in Italian in Little Italy. Just to hear it? Just to hear it so I could talk to the priest to practice with somebody because there's like nobody to talk to anymore. And yeah, just over time, I can read it pretty well still, but I would not feel confident speaking it. Wow. And was it... So my dad... immigrated when he was a kid from the very, very, very south. And the one time I went to go visit with him, we landed in Rome. He could barely communicate in northern Italy. And then the further south we went, the easier time he had communicating. where do you feel like you'd be most fluent? Anywhere in there? Northern. Yeah. Yeah. They're like different languages. It really is. I didn't know this, but yeah. And my professors in college were all Northern Italian. Gotcha. And they would tell us about like the stereotypes of Italy. And now looking back, I'm like, they shouldn't have done that. That was like probably not BC at all. They'd be like, It's a good thing you have a Northern Italian teacher because otherwise you can't read any literature, classic Italian literature. As the descendant of a Southern Italian, I can probably say this, but like, yeah, I mean, they, my dad, when they immigrated, they always had a contentious relationship with African-Americans because they were. I'm gonna go get a drink. They were- Like, you know, the shit rolls downhill. And like, because literally because the south of Italy is closer to Africa, northern Italians were racist towards southern Italians and basically said like, you're, you're, you know, black people. You're not white. Yeah, you're not white. And so they caught shit all the time growing up from other Italians. And then when they came to America, they were like, now we're really going to kick this up a notch. Not my dad personally, but his mom was say some, crazy shit sometimes. You know, she's an 80 year old Italian woman. So it was like, we kind of let it slide, but who boy, I. Did appreciate that. My Italian professors were completely unhinged. They were absolutely insane. I had one teacher who invited me to go to the Spearmint Rhino with him because, because he didn't, I don't think he knew it was a strip club. I genuinely think he didn't know he was gay. And he I was taking a makeup exam in his office. And because he was like a visiting professor, he shared an office with a bunch of other professors. So there were other people in this office that were teachers. And then I'm sitting there taking the test and he goes, Alisa, I have a question for you. I meet a beautiful man, beautiful man on Internet. He work at Peppermint Rhinoceros? You come with me, you from Oxnard. You come with me and you take me there. And I was like, and the other teachers literally stopped what they were doing and turned around and they were horrified. They were like, is someone in danger? We're about to get Title IX, we're about to be involved. He was lovely though. His name was Bruno and he wore do-rags and he also wore button-down Abercrombie & Fitch boots. flannels to the gym on. Campus beautiful beautiful most italian thing i've ever heard in my. Life and he loved the jonas brothers okay wow all right that is shout out bruno shout out i. Do want to know about the rocket launcher. Yes so i grew up in a modular home park which is different than a mobile home park and if you are not familiar with the difference the difference is that they are both brought in on trucks. However, in a mobile home park, you don't own the land underneath, and in a modular home park, you do. it was pretty cheap. And because of that, there were a lot of colorful characters in my neighborhood growing up. There was a guy who stole a jungle gym and put it like. Like San Diego level stealing the entire jungle gym. Yes. He, he unbolted a jungle gym from a nearby school and put it in his daughter's bedroom. There was, yep. So her bed was underneath. Yeah. And then that same family also, uh, Somehow bought a horse and put it inside of their house. Not in literally inside of their house. I walked in one day and there was a horse. Wow. Full horse. And then the people next to them, they had a ton of people living in this house. And one night I was asleep in my bed and I hear this dog whining in front of my window. And I crack open the blinds and I see like six SWAT team cars, guns raised, pointing at my neighbor's house and there's this police canine that's whining. And so I'm, I'm very young. I must've been like second grade or something. And so I'm like confused. What's going on? And so I go and wake up my parents in their bedroom. My dad goes to look and he's like, we need to get away from the windows. I don't know what's going on. We need to get away from the windows. And then one of the SWAT team officers had to pee at some point, saw the Saw that we were awake with the lights on and came and knocked on our door and asked to use the bathroom. My dad was like, yeah, let's use the bathroom. But can you tell me what's going on? I need the tea. I need the tea. You need to pee. I need the tea. My dad loves the tea. And the guy was like, yeah, so we think they're housing a fugitive right now. There's a gentleman who murdered his girlfriend, and we think he's living in your neighbor's shed. Yeah, it was Mr. Ed. It was the horse? Yeah. And so they, yeah, they went into the shed and they pulled him out and they found a rocket launcher there. Oh, my God. That's incredible. Yeah. It's like you should have used it if you wanted five stars in Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. He had to hold down the fort, protect that jungle gym. All right, Cassidy, how about you? What are your two tricks or two treats in a trick? Okay. My two treats in a trick are when I was 19, I was technically on the mayoral candidate ballot for my hometown. Oh. Yeah. I believe that. I went camping with somebody who two years later became a brutally convicted murderer. And I am related to somebody who is famous in the carnival world for inventing carnival rides. This is the hardest fucking thing I've ever dealt with. This is the hardest test I've ever been given. This is a tough one. Okay, I'm going to guess. I'm going to say you did not camp with someone who brutally murdered someone. Because the word brutally is throwing me off. Okay. Yeah. Sorry, the first one again was- That she was a mayor. No, I was not the mayor. She was technically on the ballot. I was technically on the ballot when I was 19 in my hometown. Technically, she's doing a lot of heavy lifting. And the third one is that she knows carny inventors. I was related to a very famous carnival ride inventor. So he didn't know the person, but they were related to him. She could just be related to a famous inventor who did not invent carnival rides. It'd be very easy to lie about that. You love minutia. It's crazy. Welcome to my life, man. I'm the research guy. And I'm just the drunk, I'm told, every week. Allie, you got the ball rolling. I'll also jump in on Brutal Murderer. It could have been a gentle murder. Yeah, it could have been an accidental murder. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Maybe you just knew someone who ran someone over, which is still bad. Still bad. Still bad, but you probably wouldn't. Go to jail. Or manslaughter. You should, maybe. You should. I don't know. You probably should. Culpability is a spectrum. I want that on his shirt. Culpability is a spectrum. I'm going to go with that you were not on the ballot. Because if you had been on the ballot, you'd be mayor right now, dude. Oh. You know what I'm saying? Anyone who's met Cassidy, hard not to vote for. And just believes in me so much. That's actually amazing. Suzanne wants to guess. Oh. Oh, Suzanne's in. She says that she knows every single carnival ride inventor, and there's no way you're related. Okay, so we know. Hot damn, this is a room full of haters. And one person who believes in me, my campaign manager, Ed. You guys are going to change some things around here. So which one is it? So I was never on the ballot for mayor when I was 19. Okay, there it is. I am related to Bob Carousel. No, close. Really? I am related to Gail Washington Ferris. Gail George Washington Ferris who invented the Ferris wheel. Isn't that French or something? No, he was in Chicago. I'm from Illinois. I had no idea. My grandma's maiden name is Ferris. Wow. Wow. You said Gail George Washington Ferris? Gail George Washington Ferris. Write that name down. Wow. He's got a. Wikipedia page and everything. His remains were left for so long, they just kind of tossed them because everyone hated him when he died. This wheel-loving piece of shit. So he had the, at the Chicago Fair, you know, the same one where. They introduced the Ferris wheel. They introduced Ferris Wheel, and that's also the same one where What's-His-Face with the Murder Palace was. Oh, H.H. Holmes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that one, 1903 or whatever. Yeah. Unveiled it there. Everybody loved it. He got paid a bunch of money. He forgot to patent it because he was too busy having sex with people he could pay to have sex with him. On the Ferris wheel. And also allegedly doing obvious amounts of drugs. I would have no amount of money to have sex with him on the Ferris wheel. I do not like heights. I do not like heights. And then he died and nobody wanted to claim his remains. But yeah, my grandma's maiden name was Ferris. And then when I was in high school, one of my brother's friends, they went to school together. She was convicted of murdering her ex-boyfriend. She shot him in the head and then put him in a hot tub and then cooked him like stew, hoping that it would get rid of all of the remains. So when they found him days later- It was just bones and gelatinous stuff. That is a Bugs Bunny ass. Good lord. That is brutal. What's she cooking, Doc? She deserved that adjective. She had put cocaine and stuff all around, allegedly. Well, not allegedly. She's in jail. We can say it. We can say it. But the reason she got caught is because she took his phone and she had been texting people from his phone as him. So the police- Yeah, found that out. But yeah, I went camping with her when I was in high school. Wow, wow, wow. Lore drop. Wow, lore drop for Cassidy. Let me drink some brain water in honor of his brain water. RIP, God bless to the stuman being who was in that. Oh, shit, dude. All right, Ed, that leaves us with you for two tricks and a treat. What are you going to drop on us? Do we have some Ed lore that's going to come out? I mean, my love of Minaragua might come out. So have a Minaragua. Anyone who wants a Minaragua, it's in here for you. It's delicious. Thank you, Jadritas. That's my favorite sparkling water, and I'm a sparkling water connoisseur. Cold and refreshing. Grab a Minaragua bottle opener. I'm sure there's one around. And open it up. If you prefer a very old apple drink, the Cinderella Mendez 1902, one of the oldest apple drinks. Wow, that is really old. This one is new, but the brand is. Everyone knows. But no, these are my tricks and treats. Trick. Wait, hold on. You don't have to tell us which one's which. That one. Whatever you're about to say, that one. That one's fake. I helped Christina Aguilera find love. True. Okay. I used to go trick-or-treating during the day. Okay. I wrote an episode of Rick and Morty. True. Well, yeah, I know that's true. It's up to you guys to come up with these. I'm going to say the lie is, I don't know, your mom seems like she loves you a lot. No. And so she feels like somebody who would be like- Lord drop. So your mother feels like somebody I feel like who'd be like, no, honey, it's fine to go when the sun's still up. That's when it's the safest to go. I'm sorry I made her Minnesotan because that's just, I'm from the Midwest. So I'm just picturing like a kind of Minnesota woman. And I'm not comfortable doing a Pennsylvania accent. Where are you from? I'm from Connecticut. Connecticut. There's no accent. I'm from Pennsylvania. I knew one of you bitches was. All right, that's your guess. But the Christina Aguilera one's so out of left field. And also like you live such a bizarre life. What do you mean by wrote an art like you were the top build writer on an episode? I don't have to explain it. Well, I mean, that's what I'm getting into the minutia. I'm going full Chris on you. And that's I have enough Chris in my life. Can someone not? It's like between my mom and Chris. I'll tell you guys this much. I am stumped because as far as I really I I'm very stumped. I'm very stumped. I don't want to say why I'm stumped because it'll it'll skew this whole thing. But I'm very stumped. Can you repeat the Christina Aguilera one? I helped Christina Aguilera find love. Does anyone know who Christina Aguilera is married to? No, but she looks great. She does. I saw her in Vegas. She looks great. Xtina. It was amazing. Jeez Louise. Easy peas. This is hard. You know what? I'm going to go. You did not go Halloween trick-or-treating during the day. Okay. Okay. If you're going with that one, then I'm doing Christina. Okay. Go Christina. I am also going to go Christina. So yeah, Christina. You're all wrong. I never wrote an episode of Rick and Morty. I wrote on a season of Rick and Morty. See, I told you, the new show. What did I say? I technically do not have a written by, a solo written by. What did I say? That's why I was like, written by. This is technicality. That's a lot. That is a huge technicality. None of us actually did technicalities. Chris was just creating them in his little brain. I only went with it because Chris was like, you could be fucking four languages. Or whatever. No, but that, mine wasn't as technical as yours. Mine would be like if I was like, oh, I'm a natural blonde or something. Well, Ed, yes, Ed worked on Rick and Morty. He technically has an Emmy for writing on Rick and Morty. Participation trophy, yeah. Look, man, it's more participation trophies than I have. I don't have a fucking Emmy. And he went trick-or-treating during the day because he had the croup as a kid. Yeah, I did. What's that? It's like an acute asthma thing that just happens to young, maybe older people, I don't know, but young kids a lot get it in New England or like areas where it's cold and that kind of weather and foggy, whatever. Told you his mom loved him too much. Yeah, so like you're like my lugs, you couldn't breathe. So, and that was like perfect croup weather. So there was a couple Halloweens where mom was like, I don't want you going out because you keep having to call the ambulance or whatever, or come home and we're on hot steam in the bathroom and have you breathe in and take this crazy medicine our doctor gave us. So she took me out trick-or-treating during the day and then it was so embarrassing because she would tell the other parents that were coming so they were aware and have their candy bowls ready, but then my friends who were going out later that night, they'd just be behind them, standing past the mudroom being like, fucking loser. And it was like, look at this guy dressed like a fucking M & M or whatever in the middle of the day. Eminem, it's 3 p.m. So anyway, so that was, yeah, that was true. And then, yeah, Christina Aguilera, I did a movie with her. Can you name the movie? I don't even know how much I can name of anything, but I'll tell you guys right now and we'll see how much I have to cut. This section has been removed by management. All right, guys, I think we are ready to transition into doing a couple segments from our shows, and I think we'll start with our guests. So, Allie or Cassidy, I'm not sure if one of you would like to go first. Allie's all teed up, so. Okay, we'll start with Allie. I believe, Allie, you have brought a haunting for us to read at this haunted Halloween party. I have brought a haunted story that I hope you all enjoy. Have any of you ever heard... Of the cursed Victorian trinket known as the Frozen Charlotte. No. Oh, thank God. I was like, oh, this is not going to be good if you guys already know what it is. We're all like, yeah, been there, done that, every single one of us. Dated her. Dated her. Ed helped her find love. Okay. And I want to remind that interrupting is encouraged. Excellent. You fucked up, bro. He's on beer number three. That's too much. That people have seen. The Victorian era is well known for producing some of the creepiest customs, stories, and objects of any time period. From post-mortem photography to mummy unwrapping parties, the mid-1800s to the early 1900s were chock full of the macabre. With Victorian society always finding a way to turn the most innocent of items into cursed nightmare fuel. Today, we'll be taking a deeper look into one of the creepier Victorian trinkets on the market. The Frozen Charlotte. It sounds like a sex act a little bit. Or a drink that you would order off menu at a bar in like Dewey Beach, Delaware or something. And they'd be mad at you, but they have to make it because they have to prove that they know what it is. So they still have to make it, but they're a little annoyed that you asked. Bro, it's only 63 ingredients frozen. And then they're also frozen. As a sex act, what would the frozen Charlotte be? Like you pretend you have locked in syndrome? I think it's just maybe a person from Connecticut, just a standard missionary. Yeah. There's a lot of Charlottes there. I was thinking like, well, I have a way dirtier mind than you guys, apparently. Dirty it up. I was like, yeah, are you putting like ice cubes up in your pussy or bussy, wherever you can fit them? And then going in and seeing how you can figure that out. There was a, here's a lore drop. That landscape. There was a urban legend at my high school that may have actually just been true that a girl went to this club that, At the time it was 18 and up and you could go dancing there. It was called the borderline. It, I don't believe exists anymore because there was a mass shooting there a few years ago. Cool. Classic American tale. Classic tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme. And I'm proud to be an American. Come on. Yeah, but she had a ice cube put up her pussy. Wait, hold on. At the borderline. Just like didn't know that was going to happen? No, she asked for it and it happened. So we're all supportive. Nobody was like, gossiping about it in a negative way everyone was it was just too hot yeah maybe okay i gotta try that next time yeah i'm about to do it right now honestly lower the core body. Temperature i thought it was it was a like a it was a drive-by icing you know what i mean i thought it was maybe it was like why are they closed down it was like you just can't go there without having ice cream put up because like it's crazy you're waiting for a drink and then all of a sudden it was like i don't know how fast people around here are i never see who does it. Pop in pop out i had full panties on. I don't know how they did that shit. They got to kick Mr. Freeze out of the bar. That's not cool, Mr. Freeze. Especially since he's all this work is to get his wife back. Yeah. All right. So what is the frozen Charlotte in reality? In Victorian era America and Britain, small dolls called frozen Charlottes were extremely popular. Manufactured in Germany, these standing dolls were typically made out of china or bisque porcelain, with the dolls' arms and legs molded to the body in one solid piece. The dolls ranged in size from about an inch to a foot. An inch is too small, right? It's very small. Like, what do you want to see my doll? You take it out of your pocket? An inch is perfectly adequate, Ed. It's fine. For dolls, whatever. It's not the size of the doll, it's how haunted it is. Yes. With the price getting cheaper as the size got smaller, the cheapest of the frozen charlottes were called penny dolls and were the most sold of all the charlottes since children could easily save to buy one for themselves for just one cent. That's cute, actually. I think it's adorable. I feel really bad about all the sex jokes now. Well, you might not when you find out how haunted these little fuckers are. The tiniest of the Charlottes were also popular as dollhouse occupants or even as charms placed inside of puddings at Christmastime. People love hiding shit in food. They do. And I don't understand it. It's a worse way to eat. Yeah. It seems like a great way. You're going to die. Yeah, you're going to get people choking all the time. I was about to say, what's that baby? King cakes. King cakes. It was like, oh, what's in your fucking porridge? A wish. Did it cost a cent? There are a few possible origin stories for the doll's distinct name, but the most popular version comes from the American folk ballad Fair Charlotte. Fair Charlotte tells the story of a young girl who gets all dressed up for a New Year's Eve party. Despite the freezing temperatures outside, young Charlotte is so proud of her pretty dress that she refuses to cover up in a winter's coat. That hasn't changed. A tale as old as time. A song as old as rhyme. I thought a hoe never got cold. I don't know. Yeah, well, they'll tell you that. She leaves her house and gets in a horse-drawn carriage that will take her to the party. But by the time she arrives at her destination, the carriage driver discovers... In horror. That she has frozen to death along the journey. Some say the tale of Fair Charlotte is based on a true story, while others say the backstory is likely fictitious, based on an old poem, like the one written by American author and women's rights activist Elizabeth Oakes Smith. Her poem, entitled A Corpse Going to a Ball, begins. I thought poems were supposed to be sort of like elliptical and interpretive. That's a very straightforward title. She was a women's rights activist and wrote about a lady that died going to a ball. Going to a party, yeah. And it became so popular that it was spread and passed down orally. As with most oral stories, her poem has been revised, rewritten, retold, and changed by many different orators over the years. The most well-known version coming from a woodsman named Ernest Lorde who recorded the tale as he knew it in 1966. Would you like to listen to it? Please. Obviously. Are we allowed to? We are. It is in the digital commons. Okay. And we don't have to listen to much of it. But I do love that it's an old woodsman. I feel like they do have the best tales. Oh, well, the link is broken. We'll find it later. Classic woodsman tale. We'll find it later. Insert here in post. He stripped the mantle off her brow and the pale stars on her shone. And quickly into the lighted hall her helpless form was born. They tried all within their power her life for to restore. But Charlotte was a frozen corpse and is never to speak more. Leave it to the Victorians to turn an innocent children's doll into a horrific cautionary tale. But you might still be wondering if there's any truth behind the Ballad of Fair Charlotte. And for that, we must return to the original author. Elizabeth Oak Smith claims that her ballad was inspired and loosely based on a real death she had read about in the New York Observer. The article was supposedly published in 1840 and told the tragic tale of a girl who set out 20 miles via sleigh ride for a New Year's Eve ball on December 31st, 1839. Was it like legal documents, like court documents, like the sleigh companies? We provided blankets and she didn't fucking use them. She signed a waiver. She signed a waiver. We are not responsible. Also, 20 miles? That's way too far to go for a party in the 1800s. Especially if that's what the dog said. Or maybe a horse. I don't know what they're using. I would think it was a horse. She was on the way to meet a man that she hoped to marry who had been courting her for some time. Wanting to look her best, the young woman had saved all year for materials to sew a fashionable dress to win over her beau's heart. Wanting the fancy dress to be the first thing her love interest would see as she pulled up to the ball, she decided to forego her cold-weather coat. Unfortunately, as the horse-drawn carriage pulled up to the entrance of the grand ball and her beau reached out his hand to help his sweetheart down the stairs, he realized she was frozen, stiff, and solid, looking very pretty. but also very dead. Wait, so did he hold it out in anticipation that she would then put her hand out to be helped down? Yeah, he like grabbed her wrist, I'm assuming, or something, right? One of the versions I. Read said- Grabbed her wrist is aggressive. She shouldn't be marrying that person. Get out of here! Yeah, dude. You know, you're already late. I just imagine she's frozen stiff holding the thing, so he has to be like, hey, honey, what are you up to? What is she holding? She's in the back. She's in the carriage. She's in a sleigh. Oh. Sleigh or carriage. In my brain. She's driving? She's driving. No, no. She's not driving the sleigh. In my brain. Sorry I trust women, Ed. I believe that she was driving the sleigh. I used to trust women to live till they got to the event until shit like this started happening. Literally ghosted. I mean, Cassidy, you're kind of half right. So one of the versions I read said that he reaches out to grab her hand to help her down from this carriage. And when he grabs her hand, her pinky finger breaks off. In his hand. That's an immediate I'm sorry. You can't recover from that. No, you can't. Oh, my God. Did you want that? That's on me. While this allegedly real unnamed woman died, her vain legacy lived on through the sale of frozen charlottes, which were sometimes also sold with accessories. But unlike Barbie, Charlotte didn't get a convertible. She got a coffin. That would be a great Barbie thing to sell too, like a Barbie coffin set. If you're a dark, dark little kid, you want a little pink coffin, a little Ken giving the eulogy. It reminds me of one of my favorite Aqua Teen Hunger Force jokes where there's that action figure and he's like, I come with these action bills and they're just like a bunch of mail. And I would like to show you guys what she looks like with her fancy coffin accessory. Oh. Oh, God. That's horrible. Yeah, that's upsetting. Also, she's a child. Oh, no. Frozen Charlotte. That looks like a photo that's being examined in a courtroom. Yeah, it does. Where did he touch you? Yeah, yeah. Show us on the Frozen Charlotte where they touched you. She looks like a Kewpie doll, kind of. Yeah, I was not expecting it to be a baby doll. Whole time I was picturing, like, Cinderella in my head. I was picturing Charlotte from Sex and the City, just a one-inch tall version. Yep, that's the Connecticut Charlotte I was thinking of. But let's get back to the start of the episode when I told you that frozen Charlottes were sometimes placed inside of Christmas puddings. It's just people using coffin bowls, like. on the fifth Sunday before Christmas called- The. Fifth Sunday before Christmas? I didn't even mean to knock that over. But like, that was a physical manifestation of how crazy my brain was. That is so far before Christmas. That's basically Halloween. There's a fucking beer bottle avalanche. I think that's just Thanksgiving. Oh, maybe it is Thanksgiving, yeah. The fifth fucking, that's so stupid. Well, it gets a little bit dumber because it was called Stir Up Sunday. And the Victorian Christian teachings dictated that a Christmas pudding should be served as a family tradition each year on Stir Up Sunday. Oh, stir, like stir. Stir. Yes. I thought it was stir up like when you're going on a horse. Like you're going on a sleigh to a ball and you freeze to death. I love that you went gyno and I went horse. Yeah, well. I went horse too. Each family member was supposed to stir the puddings mixture from east to west to honor the journey of the three wise men of the Bible. This ritual was thought to bring the family good luck in the coming year. Originally, the puddings would have been shaped into a sphere and boiled in a cloth. This practice eventually gave way to steaming the dessert in a pudding basin or elaborate mold, particularly in wealthier households. Oh, yeah. If you're making porridge in a ball, in a three-dimensional ball, you're not poor. A ball or a bowl? Because you said it was made into a sphere, right? Yeah, it was originally cooked in a cloth. No, in a cloth. That's even harder. What, did the old woman hold it the whole time? No, you like, I was guessing. Oh, you do like you pop a twist. I do have an illustration of this, if I can find it. in a cloth and then you just dunk it. Like a bindle, really. It's like when you make like a big bowl of mozzarella. Yeah, it looks like a mozzarella bowl. Let me put it in Italian terms. That's a big meatball. Use would understand. It was also customary to hide a number of small trinkets in the mixture, similar to the American Southern tradition of the king cake. Yeah, king cake slabs. When you said they put it in food, that was the first thing I thought of. That's also a severe choking hazard. It is. This was worse because these charms were metal and very, very small. It also feels very much started by a person who, like, Just accidentally drop stuff and stuff. Yeah. And also the tradition is you'll find some of my kids' jacks set. Yeah. As a tradition for good luck, you'll find one of my fingernails in there. I was thinking like a band-aid. The charms placed within the Victorian Christmas pudding often included a silver coin to signify wealth, A ringer belt to represent a future marriage. Oh my God, these are items. These are real fucking gets rusty items. A horseshoe or wishbone to represent luck. That's huge. That's just so big. That's just a dental problem for everyone at the table. That's why that woman, the picture she showed, which hopefully she'll send me so I can put it on the internet, on screen. That's a huge bowl she's making. That is like bigger than a bowling ball. Or an anchor to represent prosperity. It's gotta be small, like a Monopoly piece. They're small. I'm gonna guess they're like charms that you would put on a charm bracelet. That's what I'm hearing. I think that's the spirit. If I see a long part of an anchor hanging out of a ball of dough, every bite comes with a little anchor. But besides these positive omens, some of the trinkets were tied to bad luck. For example, the guest who stumbled across a thimble or button in their serving was sure to have spinsterhood or bachelorhood in their future. Because your teeth are missing. Hey, why didn't nobody ever marry Margaret? Well, because her teeth are all broken from anchor. Bits or whatever. Thimble bits, thimble bits. Thimble bits, get it right. Doomed to a lonely existence. The guest who got the frozen Charlotte in their slice of pudding had a more ambiguous year ahead. The charm either represented a baby on the way or the death of a current child. Oh, my God. Oh, no. What a horrible coin flip. Yeah. Today, you can stumble across Frozen Charlottes in the most unexpected of places. Of course, you can also find one in an antique store or at an estate sale. But because the dolls were so cheap and popular, many people have happened upon them in the most unlikely of places. such as creek beds, forests, and even inside old attics or walls. Ooh, creepy. I would not want to find one of those tiny little dolls in a wall. They're probably inside the... A doll wall. Stomach wall. Stomach lining, like we're swallowing little babies. Inside of many Victorian corpses. A simple search of almost any social media site will reveal many such stories of unwitting individuals discovering one or several frozen charlottes, such as this one from a Reddit user who claimed they found the doll while digging in their garden. They went on to say that the doll seemed to have a dark aura emanating from it that made them feel uneasy about picking it up. A few days later, they went back to the garden where the doll was still laying and finally took it inside. No more updates were posted after that, so hopefully the user is still doing okay. Wow, hopefully. I like to think that they died. It's a user half-full situation. In a post to Facebook, a different social media user uploaded a photo of seven frozen Charlottes, explaining that she had purchased them from an antique store. The store owner had been very confused when the figurines were placed on the counter to be rung up. remarking that he didn't know where the dolls had come from and had never seen them before. Nevertheless, they came to an agreement on price and the woman left with her bag of tiny dolls. A few days later, she returned to the store to ask more questions about the trinkets to find a different employee behind the register. This employee seemed even more confused than the last, saying that the dolls could not have been purchased from their store because they had no such item in their inventory. The woman left the store again, feeling thoroughly weirded out by the interaction. So she didn't buy them? No, she bought them. Yeah, because I worked at retail long enough to know that everyone says the same thing and it makes you want to punch them directly through their heads, which is like, if anyone comes up and says, oh, there's no tag on this, I guess it's free, right? And I'm like, shut the fuck up. You know it's not free, motherfucker. You know it's not free, but if it's like, I'm assuming every person who brought these up. And it's all we have as consumers. It's the only thing we have. I know you're wrong. I think everything should be free, but when you make that joke. It's the only joke we have in our arsenal as somebody who is about to give you money or hard-earned cash. I'm just saying the people who work to these places were annoyed. Yeah, of course, as they should be. I think that every retail employer or employee should be able to shoot one person with a gun a week. God willing. You can't bank it. It's the American way. You can't bank it. You can't be like, I waited all 52 kills. Yeah, no. 52 kills. They don't roll over. It's not sick days. It's not A-list supreme or whatever. Ooh. What is it? AMC A-list. Yeah, I'm A-list. It doesn't roll over. Right. You just get one. If you don't use it, you don't use it. I mean, if it rolled over, society would fall apart so fast. You really gotta you can't we already got a lot of people doing mass we don't need more mass. That's true we don't need to hear about the H & M killings. Yeah well I can't think of a good transition sure. Ed's gonna cut all of that. No however come. On here's here's what did you say you said something about rolling. Over Well, she was saying you don't want those minutes to roll over, and by minutes I mean people you can kill. Yeah, can't roll over. Let me tell you about something else that was rolled over. Oh, please. Frozen charlottes have also been found at a surprising amount of historical sites during archaeological digs. In 1990, a dig at Minuteman National Historic Park in Massachusetts unearthed an eerie frozen charlotte that had likely been buried since the Civil War. When another one-inch version of the doll was found in the same park, Staff lovingly named it Creepy Catherine and regularly photograph her in different spooky locations around the park. Wow. Regularly. In 1872, a rare clothed version of a frozen. Charlotte was found. This girl is always naked? She's mostly nude. Okay, sure. Yes. A rare clothed frozen Charlotte was found by firefighters sifting through the carnage left behind by the Great Boston Fire. Now held in private ownership, this Charlotte's owner claims that sometimes... when walking past the doll at night. She is overcome by the stench of ash and smoke, which seems to emanate from the toy over 150 years later. Whoa. Okay. I see you, Charlotte. We're getting spookier. A rarer kind of frozen Charlotte inside a glass vial has also been found at several different locations around the U.S., Excuse me? Why is it in a vial? Like it's in a Resident Evil lab. Test tube Charlotte. Test tube Charlotte. This girl does it all. Yeah. I will show you a picture of the Charlotte I'm about to tell you about. Quite literally test tube Charlotte. And she's only two inches. Oh, she's two inches. This is more expensive. And there's something wet in there too. It looks wet. It looks wet in there. Why is it so wet? Well, thank you for asking. She's the original loving. Finally we're asking the right questions instead of the wrong ones. Oh my God. This doll that I just showed you was excavated in the 1970s at Fort Stanwix in New York. The jury's still out on why some charlottes appear to have been manufactured or placed inside of corked glass bottles, but one theory has its roots in occult practices. Victorians were obsessed with spiritualism, and some used bottles as spirit traps to both contain and communicate with ghosts. If an owner suspected that their doll was possessed, for example, they might have it placed inside of a bottle in an attempt to communicate with it. Ooh. Yeah, they always say the easiest way to communicate with someone was through glass. Come on. Take it out. Kiss it. Frozen charlottes are also frequently found by beachcombers and mudlarkers in the UK. Ooh. I'm obsessed with mudlarking. Me too. Do you subscribe to r slash mudlarking? Yes, I love it. What the fuck is mudlarking? You dig through the mud. Is that how you catch a catfish? No, no. That's noodling. How you catch a catfish is you put your fist into a hole and hope it's a catfish. Yeah, that's called noodling, right? Yeah, yeah. No, we just had, do you know, yes, hello, it's me from Spooky Lake Month. No. We just had her on the podcast. It's coming out this week. You got to follow her. Oh my God. She's a mudlarker? She's obsessed with mudlarking, but she doesn't mudlark, but she talks about all the scary, um lakes and rivers and how they're spooky and what's wrong. Oh my god i do know who i've stumbled across her tiktoks from time to time oh my god i'm gonna have to reach out i'm gonna have to. Watch her episode she has a beautiful voice beautiful voice and she's so funny on the show do you know who also has a beautiful. Voice yes fucking pro. Maybe a frozen charlotte frozen charlottes are also frequently found by beachcombers and mudlarkers in the uk who find them washed ashore from somewhere out at sea Since these objects were so common, seashore charlottes are thought to be toys. Down by the seashore. Yeah, yeah. I love her. She does it all. She does it all. She swims. She lives in bottles. She freezes to death while nude. She's naked. She's clothed. She's found almost never dressed. Since these objects were so common, seashore charlottes are probably just toys lost at the beach by Victorian children. But some wonder... if they could be from a capsized boat delivering a shipment to England from Germany. That's fun. Those are haunted. Those souls need. Somewhere to go. They do. Or even, speaking of souls that need somewhere to go, part of a sailor's bottle, which were glass bottles filled with charms thought to protect sailors from supernatural harm along their journey. We may never know the truth, but speculating is sometimes more fun than knowing. Wow. I'd like to think any time find a sailor's charm, it's just like, these guys are away for a long time. I'd like to think they're bringing it home to their kids. Like, I picked up a fucking Fiji mermaid for you. You know what I mean? And not like, I keep this in my pocket in hopes that a I don't die. That the Kraken won't get me. Kraken. Well, I have gone through a phase where I have tried to find haunted trinkets on the internet and I went on eBay. Bring them to my house like a fucking irresponsible person. I love it. I love living dangerously. I went on eBay and I Googled haunted frozen Charlotte and I have brought two of them today with me. Oh my gosh. Is there nothing you won't do that I've asked you to not do? I would like to. Start over here. Allie's always doing extra credit. What the fuck? Okay, wow. Hold on a second. I'm going to hold these up to camera. These are one inch tall frozen Charlottes. Very, very tiny. I don't know if you guys have Zoom capabilities. Yeah, I'm going to walk to the camera with that, dude. It's not possible. As I'm looking at the camera, I'm like, I don't think. You guys have Zoom capabilities. Yeah, here. Walk those right up. They need their close-up or their spirits will never leave Ed's home. Hold on, let me change camera so I know. Yep, that's actually very QVC looking. Wow. It is very QVC. If you order right now, you get two of these little fucking babes. You get two Haunted Charlottes for the price of one. Do we have a caller on line one? Carrie, who do we have? Who do we have over here? Show them the butts, please. We have Bruno. Thank you. I teach Italiano at the- I teach Italiano at. The City of Industry Spearmint Rhino. I want to take the women to the Minty Rhino. Peppermint Rhinoceros. Peppermint elephant. Oh my gosh. Do you guys hear these beautiful POVs of people who already have purchased this wonderful item? This could be you. Just call it 1-800-LET'S-GET-HAUNTED slash always scared slash Oh my God, one's missing an arm. Yeah, well, that's why you're getting such a good deal. Retail value, $ 1 million. But tonight, $ 1. So Allie, do these two tiny, tiny ladies come with an origin story? If it is, then I'm huge. This is Halloween. This is Halloween. Halloween. Halloween. Halloween. I'm not touching them. They're fucking haunted. I'm not touching that shit, dude. You can put them by Suzanne. You have to touch them. Suzanne protects. Does Suzanne have a little pocket for them? I don't know. That's a good question. I don't think women got pockets until the 60s. Women were not allowed pockets until the 60s. Okay, they're on her lap and they're very cute for the record. So the person who was selling them on eBay just said, these are haunted frozen charlottes. They had like the back story was very brief. It was just like I found these while digging in my backyard. I didn't know what they were. I Googled them. They're called frozen charlottes. Figured out there's a creepy history. I don't want them. I feel like I've had bad luck ever since I found them in my backyard. Who wants them? And so I bought them. They were very cheap, by the way, very affordable, like less than 10 bucks. Wow. It's a lot to own someone's soul. Yeah. And they're dirty. If you look on the back of them, they've got like dirt in the butt cracks. So I do believe they were found outdoors while digging. And then I have a shelf of haunted objects in our studio and I put them on the shelf and I have a nanny cam facing it. And I did see an orb on the nanny cam the other night. Oh, shit. Now, was it just a bug flying by in the darkness? Maybe. No. Or was it a trapped soul of the frozen charlotte might have. Been a trapped soul of the frozen charlotte the two at least they have a friend they're together they're frozen charlotte's twins. Yeah yeah shout out jacqueline novak if anyone listened to her special get on your knees she has some very good orb material which i'll put here if it wasn't gonna put us to fucking copyright jail but everyone should go watch this is a good. Special Anyway, that's my haunted Halloween tale for you all that I prepared this evening. Very good. Fantastic. I hope you enjoyed it. That was amazing. It is still a million degrees in here. It's so hot. What did you bring for our segment, Cassidy? The following segment includes some spoilers for 30-plus-year-old Goosebumps books. But that kind of stuff happens around here on Halloween. So my segment, I just thought I would go with something. Halloween for me feels very nostalgic. I came from a big Halloween family. We like went all out for Halloween. We were that people on the block that like went crazy and like decorated our whole house. And we had a haunted house on Halloween Eve and Halloween in our house that people could walk through. People could walk through like a home haunt. Oh, I love that. Amazing. We did a home haunt and like all of my aunts and uncles and cousins would always come over. But so what feels nostalgic to me is Goosebumps. Goosebumps. Sorry, I'm so used to talking into a mic that's like. I know, I know, I know. I'm just like, let's pass for real. So I did some scouring on the internet and I found what seems to be the general consensus online of the scariest Goosebumps books. Yes. And you guys also all read Goosebumps and watched it at least. Yeah, both. So I would love your input. Okay. On the list. What are the scariest Goosebumps books according to the internet? And I'll tell them if they're wrong. Okay. So the fifth scariest based on my research is Welcome to Camp Nightmare. Okay. Does anybody remember this one? I remember Welcome to Camp Jelly Jam. There's also one of those. All right. Okay. This is a different one? Yeah. So Welcome to Camp Nightmare is Billy goes to Camp Night Moon. His parents are like anthropologists who travel a lot for work. Okay. And so they send him to this, his first ever camp, like a way camp. And he gets there and spooky stuff immediately starts happening. He has this terrible camp counselor named Larry who doesn't care about the kids and is like, I'm in charge. You know, like typical teenager on a power trip over a bunch of like 10 year olds. And the first night, one of their campers gets bitten by a snake. And they throw the snake. Billy's like, throw the kid out the window. No, they wrap the snake. Billy's like, wrap the snake up in the sheets and throw it out the window. So they wrap the snake up in the sheets. They throw it out the window. The kid's all fucked up. He's all sad and weird. And the camp counselor's like, no, as long as you can still feel it, it's fine. It's not anything too poisonous. And then the next day, obviously, that child is gone. Yeah. And things like this. Obviously. That's what they told his parents. It's like an R.L. Stine. And that keeps continuing to happen, right? He has two friends that capsize a boat and then they're gone. And then every time he brings it up to like the head of the camp, they tell him, we never had campers by that name here. Oh, the ultimate gaslighting. So we have, is he going crazy because he's just so homesick? Is there something suspicious going on at this camp? Oh, my God. Camp Rusty. Now, is it called Camp Nightmare in the book, or this is what the kids call it? It's called Camp Nightmoon. The episode or the book is called Camp Nightmare. Okay. But he ends up going through all these trials and tribulations. There's also like a- Disappearing, coming back. Literally, there's also like a beast called Jasper for some reason that lives- That's a curveball. Yeah, that lives on the property. And at one point he asks like one of the one adult there and is like, hey, what's up with that? And he's like, it's not an animal. It's an it. Oh, shit. Yeah. Jasper's here. That's how he sounds. Basically. He's like, stay away. Stay away from the secluded campsite. That one's run down. He goes in there. It turns out this like girl from the girl's side of the camp is in there. She's like, help me, help me. And he's like, I'm going to fucking help you. Well, he doesn't say fucking, but you get the idea. Does he get laid? No, but it's implied. It's a Goosebumps book, Allie. It's implied. It's implied. It's implied. It's just the sunset in the morning. A train going into a tunnel shot. They split a cigarette. It's crazy. And so he goes out at one point after he says, I'm going to help you get out of here to the girl. And Everyone's in military fatigues and they're like, there's a missing girl camper. We got to find her. I'm sorry, who brought the military? It doesn't matter. Move forward. It's a 27 minute episode. And he goes up to them and they give him a really weird looking crossbow thing. And they're like, we got to shoot her. And he's like, well, I'm not going to shoot her. I'm not going to kill her. And they said, it's just a tranq. Oh, okay. We're just going to tranq her. This is the American military telling you you're allowed to shoot whoever you want. Yeah, grow up. And he ends up tranqing the guy in charge. Wait, the child? The child. But he turns it on them. He tranqs the guy in charge. He tranqs the guy. And do you guys want to know what happens? Yes. Everyone starts slow clapping. Wow. Do you want to know why? Yes. Because he got laid. Because this was a test. Because he finally did it, everyone. No, because this was a test by the military. His parents come out of the woods. No. All of his dead friends come out of the woods. It was all a test to see if he was ready or not by the military. to go on one of these anthropological missions with his parents and so his parents come out and they're like the government said we had to test you first. What kind of fucking missions do these parents are they uncovering vampires. They even they even bring out the animatronic that was playing jasper. Oh my god this guy's like. R.L. Stine's twisted mind never ceases to amaze. There's one more twist. That's not even the end twist. Okay, because now he's on the mission. These twists start at minute 15 in this episode. This is crazy. No, this is the last three minutes. Okay. From the military fatigues to this, this is the last three minutes. And he goes, oh my God, mom and dad, I'm so excited. I don't have to miss you guys anymore. Where are we going on this mission? And he goes, they point up and it pans over to the sky and it's a picture of Earth, the planet. And they go, Planet Earth. Stop it. Oh my God. You stop this now. Rod Serling, eat that, bruh. Wow. And they said, we heard the aliens there are very cruel. Wow, dude. Oh my God. We're throwing things. Sorry, I'm dropping everything. This thing's just falling out of my body. I'm so excited. I don't think everyone realizes that Goosebumps was literally our Rod Sterling. That's our Twilight Zone. Yeah, it was our Twilight Zone, was our Black Mirror. That was like our thing. Aliens come to fucking Maple Street or whatever. But this was just an episode of the show, right? I don't think, was this one of the books too? This was also a book, yeah. Oh, wow. Maybe you didn't glean the fucking bigger message when you were little. I guess not. It went right over my head. Sounds like a human. The next scariest one, I actually brought my copy of it, which I have right here. Hey, where'd you get that? And who cool guys were you with? I was with Ed when I got this. It is still wrapped at Mint on Card, which is in Hollywood. You guys can take a look. Beautiful. Although I'm going to give a preemptive thumbs down. I hated this one. Why? Don't let him touch it then. He hates it. It disintegrates in his hand. Yeah, yeah. Number four is the Goosebumps book called Deep Trouble. Chris went too crazy to let her get the title out. So this one was on a lot of the Reddit threads, and I personally have an affinity for this one because I love the ocean, I love science, and I hate capitalism. Right. And that is basically all this one is about. Sure. Bunch of orcas playing Monopoly. They're like paying rent and stuff. Oh, God, this is terrible. No, so these two kids go to visit their uncle who lives... First of all, they make it seem like it's the most boring thing in the world. Their parents send them to the Caribbean... To be so bored. Yeah. Oh my God. It's the worst thing that could have ever happened. Right. Yeah. And they go out to this island and immediately things start getting weird. And they realize that their uncle is doing some experiments. Okay. Right. They're doing experiments. He's doing experiments. They have a missing lab tech. Nobody knows what's going on. And the kids also find a shark tooth the size of a human head on the beach. Too big. And they're like, this can't be good. No. Yeah. So they take it back. They're like, hey, uncle, what's going on? Did they borrow a wheelbarrow? How'd they get it back? That's a valid question. He carried it with a billy or whoever carried it. Teeth are heavy, probably. But he carried it back and they find out that- He. Put it in a Christmas pudding. To be sliced through later. Right next to the anchor. It's right there. Oh, you got the tooth? You're going to be barren forever. Oh, yeah. You're so fucked. You're going to turn into some sort of weird quasi animal. But so they take it back. Their uncle is like, hey, we got to go figure this out. He gets his lab partner. They get in a boat. They go to some island to try and figure it out. The lab partner turns on the uncle, leaves the kids and the guy at the abandoned island and is like, see you later, suckers. On this island, the plankton that they had been developing that would supercharge the size of any animal has infected the island. So all the animals are massive. It's like turned a little lizard into a dinosaur, et cetera, et cetera. Yes. That's one big frozen Charlotte or whatever. And it also turns out that the lab partner had been paying like, interns $ 100 a week. That's sick. Interns should be paid. No, to eat this bacteria or whatever that they were getting. They got sick. And it turned all of them into fish people. Not big, just fish. Not big, just fish. Tsunami, no crest. Tsunami, no crest. Throwback to our episode. I'm scared all the time. Yeah. And so they decide that they're going to kill this doctor. And he's like, you can't do this. You can't kill me. I didn't know. It was all the other guy. And he's like, he's just so greedy. He just wanted to kill people because he's so greedy. And it's all capitalism because he was like, he didn't care about what it was going to do to humanity. He just wanted money. It's amazing. He wanted a bigger strawberry. You're very good at this. Your show should have a Goosebumps corner where you just give a quick little retelling of a Goosebumps. Wait, that was the fifth scariest? No, fourth. But also, the reason it's scary is because the ending, right? The doctor talks to all the fish people that he's been expecting. his lab partner had been experimenting on and the fish people are like, well, let's go get this motherfucker. They figure out a cure. They cure everything. They're putting it in the ocean. So there's no more giant sharks with teeth this big, but they, they make that lab partner stay a fish and they make him a fucking circus freak. Oh, And they charge $ 5 to go see him. That's the end of the episode. Sterling, twice. But that is also ripped off from the end of Freaks, the Todd Browning movie. I wouldn't know. Freaks, just talked about this movie on our podcast. Great movie, similar ending. Yeah, very similar. Very similar, times two. You've seen Freaks to the end? You haven't seen Freaks? To the end. I mean, it's up to you. Okay, calm down. Everybody calm down. All right, I'm speed running these. Thank you. No, you're doing great. Chris has a life. I've been on the edge of my seat. This whole time. She's literally been on there. There's no arm on this. I actually tried to lean and almost fell off. Number three. Can you guys take a guess for the top three? What were your guys' scariest ones? Give me some input so I'm not just talking at you. I know my number one scariest. Say cheese are dead. What's your number one scariest? My number one scariest is Welcome to Dead House. That book scared the shit out of me. That is the number one consensus online, and also R.L. Stine says that's the scariest book he's ever written. It's an actually scary book. How scary can it be? You're welcomed. Well, you're welcomed by a whole town that's already dead. Ooh, that's a good movie. I got particularly freaked out by it because... Spoiler alert for Welcome to Deadhouse if you're 11 years old in 1995 and care. Welcome to Deadhouse is family moves to a town. Everybody there acts weird. And I think at one point someone's like skin is falling off or something. And then they the kids ultimately like go into a tree. and go underground. And there's like a meeting of everyone in the town. Yeah, and they like knock the tree over. Yeah, they knock the tree over and everybody's dead because there was this like leak from a nearby chemical plant that killed everybody years ago. And it scared me because I lived near Three Mile Island growing up. And so I was like, oh, fuck. I didn't even think about that. It could be already happening. Yeah, what if Three Mile Island wasn't so... Like, everyone says nothing happened, but what if they killed everybody and that's what's going on around here? Well, because the catch of the town is they trick somebody every year. Once a year, they have to get fresh blood. So they trick a family every year into coming back into the town to... basically feed on the live family and rl stein said this was the scariest one because it lacks the humor that a lot of the other books because they are very funny and cheesy and have really fun parts this one does not uh the family pet dies which is something that he'd like didn't do in any of the other stuff the family pet is murdered um and you see all of the kids new friends disintegrating into bone dust basically they like melt into nothing. Infinity war wow did uh If you want to watch a great movie with very similar plot, 1981's Dead and Buried. Oh, great movie. Very good. I've read a lot of the reader beware, you choose the scare. I have so many of those. They're so fun. There was one that scared the absolute shit out of me. I don't remember the name of it, but it really fucked me up. And the ending, because I would put little post-it notes on every time there was an option to go to different pages. That way I could go back. Eventually and check them all. Yeah, yeah. I like to know everything. And one of the endings was you crawl out of like a sewer system and you realize that everyone around you is an alien, like looks horrifying. I think they were like bee people or something. And then in. Horror, you realize, no. I'm the alien and I can never get back home and everyone's screaming at you and like. You're wearing a good outfit for that right now. You are, yeah. You are the alien. This is just an allegory for my life. If all four walls of my house like fall down and we're on Ally's planet, like holy shit, dude. There's a studio audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. Huge studio audience around us. Can one of you make that happen in post? Not me. That way, dude. Ed might be able to figure it out. So that would have been my number one scariest is Welcome to Dead House. My number two scariest would be probably Night of the Living Dummy. And number three scariest would be.... Whatever that noise is. I don't know. Either Haunted Mask or Save Cheese and Die. So Haunted Mask is on the list based on my hours on Reddit. I also have my copy of it here. Oh, beautiful. There's two of them. Where'd you get that? Who were you with when you got that? I was with Ed when I got this. At me. On Card in Hollywood, or not, in Glendale? It was in the Valley. In the Valley, whatever. You guys don't get it. You guys get it. But yeah, I have part one and part two. The part two is really funny because the part two literally starts with the little boy being like, I was so jealous of the girl from the first one. I'm going to try to. Oh, really? Yeah, and you're like, bitch, did you not? Did you not get the point of that? Yeah. But can I tell you the one that I think personally is the most existentially terrifying? Yes. And that is The Ghost Next Door. Yes, yes, yes, yes. So that book is written in the point of view of a young girl who wakes up and somebody is trying to get into her house. And she doesn't know who. Somebody breaks the window. She ends up running outside. She tries to call the police and nobody's answering. And she meets this nice new neighbor who's really weird. He's very pale and has blonde hair and no eyebrows. And she's like, this guy's really weird. And as they start hanging out, she starts being like, I think this kid's a ghost. Yeah. I think he might be a ghost. Or a chola that hasn't drawn on their eyebrows. Who hasn't started her routine yet. Yes. And so she goes through this whole thing of like accusing him of being a ghost and like having all these weird encounters throughout town with all these, you know, different people and different things. And then. The like big first twist is that she's the ghost. Stop it. Is there nothing he couldn't do? So you realize. It really is incredible. You realize and it's very, very sad because you realize her whole family died in a fire and she was the only one that was stuck there as a ghost. And it's really sad when you're reading it because you realize like you've been looking through the point of view of the ghost the whole time. Yeah. And I remember when I saw The Sixth Sense, I was like, this fucking guy just ripped off Goosebumps. I was like, this is done before. And others. And also Murder House from American Horror Story. That's kind of the ending. That one was like so existential. And I recently reread it. And then last night I rewatched it. It's one of the two parters because all of his like scariest ones got two parts. And holy moly, I rewatched it. They're all on Tubi, by the way. Tubi, Tubi. I love Tubi. It's two parts. And yeah, when you like figure out that it's her, she's so devastated and her new friend is so scared. It's like so sad and like upsetting. And I'm going to pull a Chris on this one. I did have nightmares last night. Last night? Wow. Because I watched all the ones I wanted to talk about because I reread them this week. And then I watched them all last night on Tubi. And not to pull Tubi again, but just where I found them. And I went to bed and I woke up like I was like woke up like sweating, like having dreams about not being able to contact my friends and family and like people who love me because that's like the big theme of a lot of these. Do you guys feel really cool that we both did homework for your show? This is crazy, by the way. I feel there. I'm so grateful that you guys really you fucking brought it. I feel like if we were asked to do something similar, we would. Oh, of course we would. Of course we would. I feel like I didn't do as much homework as Allie. I just read a bunch of Goosebumps books. No, that's a lot. That's a big time commitment. Allie's from Planet Homework. I just feel like Goosebumps is what makes me feel like my childhood Halloween. I actually have a book that I got a few years ago that's a big hardback, almost like a coffee table book of all the art from Goosebumps. And Tim Jacobus writing about why he did different designs and A lot of times he wasn't even working off of the text of a book. It was just the title or the idea for the book or... And he has, like, rejected designs in there. And, yeah, Goosebumps is very... And the show, too. I mean, the song... Obviously slaps. And then that golden retriever with the green eyes. Has anyone made a remix of it yet? Yes. Like a dubstep version? Yes. The way he knew immediately. Yes. What do you think I listen to when I write Scared all the time? Dubstep remixes of the Goosebumps song. What do you think played at Chris's wedding? The first dance. First dance. Now your wife is coming down the aisle. Yes. Yes. They rented a dog for that. I don't know why that tickled me. They rented a dog. Yeah. I was like, come on, smile, guys. This is cool. I think it's really cool because R.L. Stine was very, very into making sure that they hired really awesome artists to do the artwork for all of the books. And he did an amazing, I mean, all the art is so scary and so perfect and so fun. The funniest thing that I learned is there's a lot of changes. They re-released the show in the 2000s. And they change some stuff. Like, for example, in The Ghost Next Door, you remember how they sneak into the house of the mail delivery guy because they're supposed to throw a stink bomb, right? Trying to get his ass. At one point he goes, I have a shotgun because he can hear that there's somebody in the house. They changed it to, I have a karate. But they couldn't perfectly match it. So literally, he's like- Two syllables to three? Good luck. Yeah. And they like, he like is standing there and you can tell he's supposed to be holding a shotgun, but they like went in like penciled it out. Why not say squirt gun? Squirt gun. Anything. I have a karate. Stun gun. I have a karate. That's some fucking like E.T. guns are now radio. They saw what Spielberg did and they were like, we got to do that too now. We can't just have men protecting their home. No. But yeah, the welcome to the dead house was, By far, based on my research on Reddit, was by far voted the one that traumatized children. Scarred them when all the kids in the town melted in the light. It traumatized them when the tree was knocked over. So yeah, if you want to be traumatized this season, let me tell you, go watch some R.L. Stine. They're also very funny and very Canadian. Yeah, because Ryan Gosling's in the cheese one. Is he really? Yeah. At one point they're like, Oh, I hate being here in the Caribbean islands. And it's like clearly fucking Montreal. There's a fucking Cirque du Soleil thing happening behind them. It's like, it's like. Just purely forest. The poutine here in the Caribbean is not up to snuff. Are you sorry? I don't think you're that sorry. Yeah, no, those are fun episodes, and they're short, and the books are short, and it is fun to kind of go reread one or two of them around Halloween time and just sort of enjoy the vibes of the late 90s horror scene for kids. Just an easy thing, yeah, to pop into. So one of my friends is good friends with R.L. Stine, and when his. Grandson was born Arl Stein got a whole got the whole like every book he'd ever written for the Goosebumps series and signed all of them for this kid who's one years old right and my friend was like you know he can't. Read yet right That's a really cool gift. And he's like, he'll really appreciate it one day, though. He's going to be able to read, though, and he's going to be a storyteller. Yeah, it just made me happy when he told me that story. Obviously, I don't know R.L. Stine, but when he told me that story, I was like, it's good to know he's still just like a cool guy who loves kids. Or sell it and start the kids' college fund. Yeah, there you go. Capitalism. Hey, man, sign it. Don't put my kid's name, though. Yeah. Sign it. Maybe just leave a blank. Yeah. Where you put the name. Leave a blank space and a sample of your handwriting at my house, please. Yeah, Goosebumps were like totally my childhood. So good. Gotta be Goose and gotta be Bumpin'.. You gotta be Goose and gotta be Bumpin'. When I saw the Goosebumps movie, scored by Danny Elfman, I went into it foolishly, assuming that Danny Elfman was going to do an interpretation of the Goosebumps. Theme, because how could you not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not there at all. The score is terrible. And I was like, what are you guys doing? It's like if you made the Simpsons movie and didn't do the Simpsons theme or something. Brick by brick to heaven. What? No, it's an odd side of the room. Okay. All right. I wasn't at the vintage trinket store where. You guys bought these books. We both missed out on a lot of lore, apparently. You guys got us to come around more. That's okay. Chris and I have our own lore. We're just sharing it because we don't want. You to feel bad. It's all alkaline trio, babe. Are you excited for the new record? Travis Barker produced the new Alkaline Trio record. No, I did not know that. It might be a disaster because a lot of Travis Barker's production is not good. But yeah, they went big for it. So we'll see how it turns out. But I'm very excited. So yeah, this has been an incredible Halloween party. We have met cursed dolls. We have talked about the legends and lore of not only Goosebumps, but a trip that Cassidy and Ed took. To some other planet. Allie is here from her planet. This has been one of the best hours. And Chris is just here from Pennsylvania. And I'm just here from good old Pennsylvania. I learned that if you put beers in, like, whatever the fuck this is, you get absolutely ruined. I had so many more beers. This is like, it's egg math. Where it's like, oh, if you make scrambled eggs, you could probably have like three eggs scrambled. If you just eat like a hard-boiled egg, it'd be crazy to have more than one or two. But deviled eggs will have like 13. Yeah. That's such a good point. Yeah, this is the deviled eggs of fucking booze. Like, I am... It's out of control. I'm going to fall down and turn the cameras off. It's warm, too, in here. That's what I like to hear. Sweating out every drop of water. Welcome to hell. Welcome to hell, dude. Welcome to hell. Welcome to hell is a great place to end. Scared All the Time presents the Hose Boys Haunted Halloween Party. We will do this, hopefully, every year from here on out. And who knows? Maybe we'll throw a Christmas party or two. It's going to be a great time. a great time of revisiting all the lore that got dumped in this episode. But until next Halloween, I hope you guys all have a great Halloween. I hope you have a great trick or treat from us and from Allie and from Cassidy and from drinking the Kool-Aid and from let's get haunted and Happy Halloween, everybody. We love you guys. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye.