Scared All The Time in the Midnight Library

[00:00:00] Astonishing Legends Network. Disclaimer, this episode includes the usual amount of adult language and graphic discussions you've come to expect around here. But in the event it becomes an unusual amount, expect another call from me.

[00:00:15] Welcome to a very special episode of Scared All The Time. Today, we're doing a crossover on the Astonishing Legends Network with Miranda Merrick and the folks over at the Midnight Library.

[00:00:23] If you've never listened to the Midnight Library before, it's a place where you can go to hear a spooky old tale or a dreary story to warm your chill, dark heart.

[00:00:33] It's a place to escape to, or from. And a place where Ed and I get to stretch our acting muscles.

[00:00:39] So sit back, relax, and enjoy this special journey through the unknown.

[00:00:47] Ed, we have a problem.

[00:00:48] I believe the line is Houston, we have a problem.

[00:00:50] No, shut up. We're almost four seasons into the show and I feel like we're running out of topics already.

[00:00:56] Why don't you do a fear of forgetting memorable lines from famous movies based on real life? You're pretty good at that.

[00:01:01] No, shit like that doesn't work. That's not a whole episode. I need bigger ideas or at least a little more time to research the next episode.

[00:01:09] Do you though? I mean, what do you have so far?

[00:01:11] Vagina dentata, haunted zoos, teenagers.

[00:01:15] Yeah, it's all pretty boring. We might have to work all night on this.

[00:01:19] Actually, fuck all that. I just got this email from Miranda at the Midnight Library and she's inviting us to a reading tonight.

[00:01:23] So let's just go do that instead.

[00:01:24] Are you not listening? I can't. I need to work on episodes.

[00:01:27] Yeah, and this is a classic two birds situation.

[00:01:29] Okay, the whole place is filled with crazy old books and shit.

[00:01:32] So here's what we do. We go to the reading and then we hide somewhere until everyone's gone and then peruse those books for ideas.

[00:01:38] No, that's insane. That is very dangerous.

[00:01:41] There is probably booby traps or feral cats in the walls.

[00:01:44] You know, the email actually did mention both of those.

[00:01:46] Do you know how many people are believed to have never been seen again after visiting the library?

[00:01:51] I'm pretty sure Astonishing Legends did a three-part series on it.

[00:01:55] Yeah, but what won't they do a three-part series on?

[00:01:57] One of the parts talks about how Miranda's grandmother ate three people and a goat.

[00:02:01] All at once?

[00:02:01] No, probably not. I mean, maybe, but still.

[00:02:04] Look, those people in the Midnight Library, I think they're just weird on purpose, okay?

[00:02:07] They make up crap to scare tasty little freak targets like you.

[00:02:10] And it's just how they keep the place open, so don't worry about it.

[00:02:13] I don't know, man. I think it's more than that.

[00:02:15] Have you ever seen Miranda anywhere in the village, like in any of the businesses?

[00:02:19] Well, no, but...

[00:02:20] Have you ever noticed her or Mr. Darling getting even the slightest bit older in the last 10 or 15 years?

[00:02:27] You know I don't see age.

[00:02:28] No, of course you don't.

[00:02:29] Then there's all that weird shit in the Phantom Forest.

[00:02:31] The group of women gravediggers they talk about, the funky grocery store they promote,

[00:02:35] and Miranda with all those private parties for insiders.

[00:02:39] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess our invites to those went to the spam folder, huh?

[00:02:42] And the frickin' graveyard on their property that seems to get bigger every time we go there?

[00:02:47] I think you should just focus on the books, man.

[00:02:48] All right, that sweet, sweet idea paper.

[00:02:50] I am focused on the books. The books in a cordoned off area.

[00:02:54] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what? What's the worst that can happen?

[00:02:56] We get caught, we say, oops, sorry, we took a wrong turn.

[00:02:59] This place is huge. What a lovely graveyard. Does it expand?

[00:03:01] And then we all just have a laugh about it.

[00:03:02] I can't believe I'm agreeing to this, but yes, fine, fine, fine, fine.

[00:03:07] Yes, we'll do it.

[00:03:07] That's what I'm talking about, dude.

[00:03:09] Operation Penetrate Miranda's Cordoned Off Areas is a go!

[00:03:12] What are we scared?

[00:03:14] When are we?

[00:03:15] All the time.

[00:03:17] Join us.

[00:03:17] Join us.

[00:03:18] Join us.

[00:03:19] Now it is time for...

[00:03:20] Time for...

[00:03:22] Scared Ouroza Taimu.

[00:03:27] Later at the Midnight Library.

[00:03:30] I have a little something different for you tonight, my lovelies.

[00:03:35] Something else for you.

[00:03:37] A short, cautionary tale.

[00:03:40] On the subject of haunted or, let's say, occupied houses.

[00:03:47] It's always astonishing to me that relatively bright and sane people will enter or break into

[00:03:57] and traipse through what they know to be a haunted, cursed, or even protected dwelling.

[00:04:07] It seems some people are just drawn to dangerous places.

[00:04:12] They crave the experience of encountering ghostly or otherworldly beings, even going so far as

[00:04:24] to try to make contact, disturb, or to have a mystical or frightening experience on purpose.

[00:04:33] Some enter these forbidden premises in order to purloin precious items, to gain knowledge,

[00:04:44] or to steal something as trivial as a doorknob, as a macabre souvenir.

[00:04:51] I do not recommend this.

[00:04:54] As for ghosts, two historically famous murder houses that were supposedly haunted jump to

[00:05:16] my mind immediately.

[00:05:18] They are the Villisca House and the Lizzie Borden House.

[00:05:25] Both of these homes gained their notoriety by first having been the scenes of absolutely bloody

[00:05:34] beyond belief, axe murders that were coldly committed within them.

[00:05:42] These grisly happenings then, presumably, infused the houses with evil or cruel energy,

[00:05:52] or in some cases, diabolical hosts.

[00:05:57] Briefly, the Borden House had an adult man and woman

[00:06:03] so viciously thrashed by an axe that their remains could not be immediately identified by looking

[00:06:15] at their faces, because they no longer had faces.

[00:06:22] So you see how this kind of malicious action, the taking of lives, could affect this structure.

[00:06:33] In the Villisca House, Villisca is the town.

[00:06:39] But the entire Moore family and two young guests,

[00:06:45] a total of eight people being two adults and six children,

[00:06:51] were maniacally slaughtered by an axe-wielding murderer

[00:06:56] who lay in wait for them to fall asleep

[00:07:00] before chopping them to ribbons.

[00:07:04] Neither of these savage murders were ever solved.

[00:07:09] Not a single person was punished for committing the brutal crimes.

[00:07:16] Both houses simply absorbed their horrors.

[00:07:22] Both houses were later rumored to be the scene of eerie vibes,

[00:07:29] glowing windows, wispy phantoms, and dithering orbs.

[00:07:36] Not to mention the reports of echoing cries and shrieks and screams of sheer terror

[00:07:44] heard by the neighbors and by those simply passing by.

[00:07:49] Each property for many years,

[00:07:54] having its share of wide-eyed looky-loos,

[00:07:58] window peepers, nosy prowlers,

[00:08:01] and even bold intruders,

[00:08:05] hoping to stir the spirits of the murdered souls residing inside.

[00:08:13] Can you imagine doing this?

[00:08:16] I hope not.

[00:08:17] On the subject of other worldly creatures,

[00:08:35] or even those in league with dark forces,

[00:08:41] several structures associated with the Pendle Witches in England,

[00:08:47] where eleven people lived,

[00:08:50] then were tried in a finger-pointing court,

[00:08:53] and ten were hung for witchcraft.

[00:08:58] Several structures have been unearthed,

[00:09:02] preserved,

[00:09:03] and in one case,

[00:09:06] even reburied,

[00:09:08] to protect them from people trouncing around through them at will.

[00:09:13] Or,

[00:09:14] worse,

[00:09:16] holding amateur seances in hopes of disturbing the supernatural or demonic beings who may well dwell there.

[00:09:29] This is exceptionally dangerous fire to play with, my lovelies.

[00:09:43] Believe it or not,

[00:09:45] our very own Midnight Library is thought, by some,

[00:09:53] to be prime-picking for just such ill-advised adventures.

[00:09:59] All of these years,

[00:10:03] breeding all of these rumors,

[00:10:06] you've heard about wily witches,

[00:10:10] devious demons,

[00:10:13] sinister spirits,

[00:10:15] mortifying monsters,

[00:10:17] and frothy-mouthed fiends,

[00:10:20] and veritable throngs of sacred mystical books

[00:10:26] that call up and instruct the bedeviled Divine Ones

[00:10:33] on how to proceed and succeed in this victim-rich landscape.

[00:10:42] Excuse me.

[00:10:44] Anyway,

[00:10:46] I know that it's extremely popular nowadays

[00:10:50] for certain people,

[00:10:53] or groups of people,

[00:10:55] to take part in something referred to as urban exploring,

[00:11:01] and to record these,

[00:11:05] some say daring,

[00:11:07] I say foolish,

[00:11:08] activities,

[00:11:09] and then to post them

[00:11:12] in a braggadocious fashion

[00:11:14] for other fools

[00:11:16] to ogle themselves silly over.

[00:11:20] I should like to express to you again,

[00:11:24] no matter how attractive

[00:11:26] or irresistible

[00:11:28] the luscious lore

[00:11:29] and rampant rumors are,

[00:11:32] just how dangerous

[00:11:34] and sometimes deadly

[00:11:36] this flippant,

[00:11:39] air-headed activity

[00:11:40] can be

[00:11:42] be, um,

[00:11:44] because

[00:11:44] of

[00:11:47] how precious

[00:11:48] you are

[00:11:49] to me,

[00:11:51] to me.

[00:11:54] So,

[00:11:56] um,

[00:11:57] please,

[00:11:57] I appeal

[00:11:59] to your most basic

[00:12:00] and fundamental instincts

[00:12:03] of common sense

[00:12:04] and self-preservation.

[00:12:06] When I say to you,

[00:12:09] please,

[00:12:10] do not be drawn

[00:12:11] into the haunted

[00:12:13] or wicked places.

[00:12:16] Do not wander

[00:12:18] beyond the cordoned off areas.

[00:12:21] Do not be charmed

[00:12:24] by the feral kittens.

[00:12:27] Please do,

[00:12:29] however,

[00:12:30] follow gallant

[00:12:31] Mr. Darling

[00:12:32] and trust him

[00:12:34] to lead you safely

[00:12:36] out

[00:12:37] of the library.

[00:12:40] Good night,

[00:12:41] my dear guest.

[00:12:43] Good night.

[00:12:52] Excellent reading

[00:12:53] tonight,

[00:12:53] madam.

[00:12:54] Will you take tea?

[00:12:57] Uh,

[00:12:58] not just now,

[00:12:59] darling.

[00:13:00] Something seems

[00:13:01] off in the house.

[00:13:04] There's a presence.

[00:13:06] Can you feel it?

[00:13:08] It seems,

[00:13:09] um,

[00:13:10] uh,

[00:13:12] daft?

[00:13:13] That's it.

[00:13:15] Daft.

[00:13:16] Goofy,

[00:13:17] even.

[00:13:18] I'll check

[00:13:19] my crystal ball.

[00:13:21] Right.

[00:13:22] I'll do a trot

[00:13:23] through the corridors.

[00:13:24] Look at this.

[00:13:33] Did you see this?

[00:13:33] Oh my god,

[00:13:34] these books,

[00:13:35] they're all,

[00:13:35] it looks like they're all

[00:13:36] like ancient wisdom

[00:13:37] or something.

[00:13:38] I mean,

[00:13:38] I can't.

[00:13:38] There's so much stuff

[00:13:39] in here.

[00:13:39] There's so much

[00:13:40] good stuff in here,

[00:13:40] dude.

[00:13:41] I can't,

[00:13:41] I can't make out

[00:13:42] a single thing.

[00:13:42] This is all different.

[00:13:43] I don't even know

[00:13:44] if these are real

[00:13:44] languages.

[00:13:45] These could be

[00:13:46] made up languages,

[00:13:46] but I'm sure Google

[00:13:47] has tons of

[00:13:49] translation options

[00:13:50] now.

[00:13:50] We could probably

[00:13:51] Google Glass

[00:13:51] some of this stuff.

[00:13:52] Do you think

[00:13:53] it's brave or crazy

[00:13:55] looking for material

[00:13:56] for our show

[00:13:57] beyond the cordoned

[00:13:58] off areas

[00:13:58] of the Midnight Library?

[00:14:00] I don't know,

[00:14:00] but look at these.

[00:14:01] These are framed

[00:14:02] obituaries.

[00:14:03] Aw,

[00:14:04] they must have

[00:14:04] really liked those people.

[00:14:05] Chris,

[00:14:06] these obituaries

[00:14:06] are for people

[00:14:07] that are still alive.

[00:14:08] We know some

[00:14:09] of these people.

[00:14:10] Oh,

[00:14:11] well that's,

[00:14:12] that's even better.

[00:14:13] Let me jot this

[00:14:13] down in my notebook.

[00:14:14] Oh my god,

[00:14:15] look at the title

[00:14:15] of this book.

[00:14:16] Head Spikes

[00:14:17] for Dummies?

[00:14:18] Never put the

[00:14:19] wrong size head

[00:14:20] on the wrong spike

[00:14:21] again,

[00:14:21] it says.

[00:14:22] It's by Vlad the Impaler,

[00:14:23] okay?

[00:14:23] This guy knows

[00:14:24] things about impaling.

[00:14:25] He does,

[00:14:26] but that can't be real.

[00:14:27] It doesn't matter.

[00:14:28] I'm writing it down

[00:14:28] anyway.

[00:14:29] Let's,

[00:14:29] let's keep going.

[00:14:30] Careful,

[00:14:31] it's real dark.

[00:14:32] Oh god,

[00:14:32] stop it,

[00:14:33] Chris.

[00:14:33] Stop what?

[00:14:34] Stop taking advantage

[00:14:35] of the dark.

[00:14:35] Stop touching me.

[00:14:36] Dude,

[00:14:37] I'm in front of you.

[00:14:38] That's true.

[00:14:39] Oh,

[00:14:39] let me see,

[00:14:39] let me turn around.

[00:14:40] Oh,

[00:14:40] it's a kitty.

[00:14:41] Oh my god.

[00:14:42] Come here,

[00:14:43] little buddy.

[00:14:44] Are you lost?

[00:14:45] What's your deal?

[00:14:45] Ed,

[00:14:46] Miranda said never play

[00:14:47] with the feral kittens.

[00:14:49] This thing isn't feral.

[00:14:50] It's a little kitty

[00:14:51] boo-boo floo.

[00:14:52] Say,

[00:14:52] come here,

[00:14:53] you non-feral cat.

[00:14:54] Mr. Fluffy Foo-Foo face.

[00:14:56] Ed,

[00:14:56] he's glowing.

[00:14:57] Put the cat down.

[00:14:59] Oh,

[00:15:00] it bit me.

[00:15:01] Or stung me.

[00:15:02] I can't see.

[00:15:02] It did something to me.

[00:15:03] It's,

[00:15:04] oh my god,

[00:15:05] it sprayed me in the eyes.

[00:15:07] Good evening,

[00:15:08] gentlemen.

[00:15:09] Now,

[00:15:10] what might you be doing

[00:15:12] beyond the cordoned off areas

[00:15:13] when you are expressly warned

[00:15:16] never to do this?

[00:15:17] Oh,

[00:15:18] Mr. Darling.

[00:15:19] Thank goodness

[00:15:21] that you're here.

[00:15:22] We're,

[00:15:22] um,

[00:15:23] we're really lost.

[00:15:24] Right.

[00:15:25] What seems to be

[00:15:26] the problem,

[00:15:27] Mr. Volkola?

[00:15:29] Uh,

[00:15:29] my eyes are watering

[00:15:30] for no reason.

[00:15:32] Um,

[00:15:33] maybe allergies?

[00:15:34] But who's to say?

[00:15:35] Dust?

[00:15:36] Spider webs?

[00:15:36] There's a lot of that

[00:15:37] going on down here too.

[00:15:38] I see.

[00:15:40] You're either insinuating

[00:15:42] that the forbidden areas

[00:15:43] aren't clean enough for you

[00:15:45] or you're lying.

[00:15:47] Which is it,

[00:15:48] Mr. Volkola?

[00:15:49] Yeah,

[00:15:50] which one is it,

[00:15:51] Ed?

[00:15:51] Thanks,

[00:15:51] Chris.

[00:15:52] Um,

[00:15:53] well,

[00:15:54] sir,

[00:15:55] there was this

[00:15:55] little cat

[00:15:56] and you were also warned

[00:15:58] never to play

[00:15:59] with the feral kittens,

[00:16:01] weren't you?

[00:16:02] Yes,

[00:16:03] sir.

[00:16:04] I see you're taking notes,

[00:16:06] Mr. Kulari.

[00:16:07] The pair of you

[00:16:08] wouldn't be snooping back here

[00:16:10] hoping to find scary subjects

[00:16:12] for that show you host,

[00:16:13] would you?

[00:16:15] What's it called again?

[00:16:17] Scared all the time.

[00:16:19] Yes.

[00:16:20] The Midnight Library

[00:16:21] has just the sort of content

[00:16:23] you're looking for,

[00:16:24] doesn't it?

[00:16:25] Well,

[00:16:27] I'm not hungry at the moment,

[00:16:29] so I do believe

[00:16:30] we'll see what

[00:16:31] Ms. Merrick thinks

[00:16:32] should be done with you.

[00:16:33] This way,

[00:16:35] gentlemen.

[00:16:36] Did he just say

[00:16:38] he wasn't hungry?

[00:16:40] It's a weird thing to say.

[00:16:51] Enter.

[00:16:53] Your instincts

[00:16:54] were correct,

[00:16:55] madam.

[00:16:56] Hmm?

[00:16:58] May I present

[00:16:59] for your displeasure

[00:17:00] Mr. Edward Volkola

[00:17:02] and Mr. Christopher Kulari.

[00:17:04] I found them wandering

[00:17:07] in the Historical Heroes

[00:17:08] of Pillaging section.

[00:17:10] Oh?

[00:17:11] Taking notes.

[00:17:13] Notes?

[00:17:14] My, my, my, my.

[00:17:16] Good evening, gentlemen.

[00:17:18] Good evening, Ms. Merrick.

[00:17:20] You know there's a reason

[00:17:22] why we discourage

[00:17:24] our guests

[00:17:24] from straying beyond

[00:17:26] the cordoned-off areas,

[00:17:27] don't you?

[00:17:28] But,

[00:17:29] both of you still

[00:17:30] seem to be in possession

[00:17:32] of your

[00:17:32] eyes and, uh,

[00:17:34] internal organs.

[00:17:35] So you must not have met

[00:17:37] with my grandmother, Annie.

[00:17:40] Or a goon.

[00:17:42] Still,

[00:17:43] something should be done

[00:17:45] to, uh,

[00:17:46] correct

[00:17:47] your behavior.

[00:17:49] Ah,

[00:17:50] shall I prepare

[00:17:51] the Spanish donkey

[00:17:52] for two,

[00:17:53] madam?

[00:17:53] Hmm.

[00:17:55] Hey, we love donkeys.

[00:17:56] No, no, no, no,

[00:17:57] no, we don't, Ed.

[00:17:58] A Spanish donkey

[00:17:59] is a medieval torture device.

[00:18:01] Oh.

[00:18:02] Oh, no.

[00:18:03] Oh,

[00:18:03] I don't imagine

[00:18:04] we need to do

[00:18:05] something that drastic.

[00:18:07] Besides,

[00:18:08] the maids haven't

[00:18:09] scraped the guts

[00:18:10] off of it

[00:18:10] from the last time,

[00:18:12] so...

[00:18:13] Hmm.

[00:18:13] Hmm.

[00:18:14] Well,

[00:18:15] I believe

[00:18:16] the parent anguish

[00:18:17] is clean.

[00:18:18] Hmm.

[00:18:19] Well,

[00:18:20] seeing that our gents

[00:18:22] survived as long

[00:18:23] as they have,

[00:18:25] I should like to

[00:18:26] impress upon them

[00:18:28] that they should not

[00:18:29] betray us

[00:18:30] by talking about

[00:18:31] what they may have

[00:18:32] imagined

[00:18:33] they saw

[00:18:35] on their brief adventure

[00:18:36] in our library.

[00:18:39] Maybe there's a way

[00:18:40] to let them

[00:18:42] live.

[00:18:43] Yes.

[00:18:44] Yeah, yeah.

[00:18:44] Living is amazing.

[00:18:46] We love living.

[00:18:46] We love life.

[00:18:47] We love being alive.

[00:18:48] Let's do that.

[00:18:49] Let's do it.

[00:18:49] Let's keep it going.

[00:18:50] Hmm.

[00:18:51] Dinner at the

[00:18:52] Broom and Fang.

[00:18:55] I'll get my hat.

[00:19:05] Is this better?

[00:19:06] I'm not sure

[00:19:07] this is better.

[00:19:08] Wow,

[00:19:08] I have never seen

[00:19:09] so many freaks

[00:19:10] and monsters.

[00:19:11] Oh, look,

[00:19:12] there goes a headless waiter.

[00:19:13] How does he repeat

[00:19:13] the order's back?

[00:19:14] Oh,

[00:19:15] Nasiratu hostess,

[00:19:16] Ed.

[00:19:16] Nasiratu hostess.

[00:19:17] Oh, hello.

[00:19:19] Stop gawking.

[00:19:21] Act like you've been here

[00:19:23] before, gentlemen.

[00:19:24] And it's Nasiratu.

[00:19:28] She's a very nice girl.

[00:19:31] Now, please,

[00:19:33] sit down and act normal.

[00:19:36] What's in this little jar?

[00:19:38] Oh, my God,

[00:19:39] it's fingers.

[00:19:40] Well, yes,

[00:19:41] it's a courtesy finger dish.

[00:19:44] Only, um,

[00:19:45] don't throw the bones

[00:19:46] on the floor.

[00:19:46] Um, it's not

[00:19:48] that kind of establishment.

[00:19:50] I've gone ahead

[00:19:51] and ordered

[00:19:52] the Jekyll and Hyde

[00:19:53] sampler platter.

[00:19:54] Oh, lovely.

[00:19:57] Ah, here it is.

[00:20:00] Ooh, I'll just

[00:20:01] take one of the...

[00:20:02] Oh, where are my manners?

[00:20:05] Guests first.

[00:20:07] Oh, no,

[00:20:08] we couldn't know.

[00:20:09] Possibly.

[00:20:09] It's...

[00:20:10] I'm not even that hungry.

[00:20:11] I'm not hungry at all.

[00:20:11] The lady said,

[00:20:13] guests first.

[00:20:15] Gentlemen.

[00:20:17] Uh, I'll eat the

[00:20:19] inside out thing

[00:20:20] if you'll eat

[00:20:21] the pulsing thing.

[00:20:23] Oh, my God.

[00:20:25] Oh, this is...

[00:20:25] That's it.

[00:20:27] Get it all down.

[00:20:31] Ooh, I don't feel so good.

[00:20:33] My teeth feel like wet paper.

[00:20:35] Is that normal?

[00:20:35] I'm fine.

[00:20:36] I just remembered

[00:20:37] my party trick.

[00:20:39] Watch me...

[00:20:40] switch my eyes around.

[00:20:44] And...

[00:20:45] Down in three...

[00:20:47] two...

[00:20:48] one...

[00:20:49] Oof.

[00:20:50] Oh.

[00:20:55] Hee, hee, hee.

[00:20:56] Well done.

[00:20:57] Shall we leave them

[00:20:59] to their fate

[00:21:00] and take part

[00:21:00] in the blood drinker's

[00:21:01] poker, madam?

[00:21:02] It's about to begin.

[00:21:05] Oh, that sounds

[00:21:06] divine, darling.

[00:21:08] Positively divine.

[00:21:25] In some kind of

[00:21:27] dirt hole.

[00:21:28] Oh, it's a grave.

[00:21:30] Chris, we're in

[00:21:31] a freaking grave.

[00:21:32] You know I'm afraid

[00:21:33] of being buried alive.

[00:21:34] We talked about

[00:21:35] this very thing

[00:21:35] on the show.

[00:21:36] Yeah, more than one episode,

[00:21:37] which is why

[00:21:38] I didn't do this to us.

[00:21:39] Then how did we get here?

[00:21:41] Wait, there's a note

[00:21:42] pinned to your neck.

[00:21:43] Oh, my neck?

[00:21:44] What's it say?

[00:21:46] Thank you for the

[00:21:47] fabulous evening out,

[00:21:49] gents.

[00:21:49] The two of you

[00:21:50] really know how to have fun.

[00:21:51] We're lucky to have you

[00:21:52] as our reliable,

[00:21:54] trusted, sensible friends

[00:21:56] who would never tell

[00:21:57] or talk about the things

[00:21:58] in the Midnight Library

[00:21:59] that they know

[00:21:59] they shouldn't

[00:22:00] or else.

[00:22:01] That part's underlined.

[00:22:02] Let's do it again sometime.

[00:22:04] Love, Randy and John.

[00:22:06] Who the hell

[00:22:07] are Randy and John?

[00:22:08] Uh, Miranda,

[00:22:10] Merrick,

[00:22:11] and John, darling.

[00:22:12] It's all coming back

[00:22:14] to me now.

[00:22:15] Oh, right.

[00:22:16] There was a kitten,

[00:22:17] and then I think

[00:22:18] I saw him

[00:22:19] ran in her nightgown.

[00:22:20] Then I ate something

[00:22:22] that grabbed my tongue?

[00:22:24] No, no, no, no,

[00:22:24] that's not what happened.

[00:22:25] I woke up on the floor

[00:22:27] of some monster-filled pub,

[00:22:29] the Broovin' Fang pub.

[00:22:30] I worked there, I think?

[00:22:32] Oh, my God.

[00:22:33] I remember the whole thing now.

[00:22:34] Some headless waiter

[00:22:35] kicked me into a horrific kitchen,

[00:22:37] slapped a bloody apron on me.

[00:22:39] Oh, God.

[00:22:39] I was there the entire night.

[00:22:40] I was draining victims

[00:22:41] to make these bloody cocktails

[00:22:42] for grinning vampires,

[00:22:44] and I stuffed a demon

[00:22:45] in a cake so it could pop out

[00:22:46] and bite some ghoul

[00:22:47] in the face.

[00:22:48] I don't know

[00:22:48] if it was the ghoul's birthday.

[00:22:49] I don't know the rules.

[00:22:51] I think I also might have

[00:22:52] served a flaming head

[00:22:53] and a platter to a coven

[00:22:55] of witches,

[00:22:55] and you,

[00:22:56] you didn't even help me.

[00:22:58] I just remember

[00:22:59] you sat in the booth

[00:23:00] winking at Nosferata

[00:23:01] all night.

[00:23:02] No, no, no, no, no.

[00:23:03] I wasn't there.

[00:23:04] I was condemned

[00:23:04] to the lighthouse.

[00:23:06] The lighthouse?

[00:23:07] This village

[00:23:07] doesn't even have a lighthouse.

[00:23:09] It does, too.

[00:23:10] I was there.

[00:23:12] I was there.

[00:23:12] I was there for centuries.

[00:23:15] I alone kept the light

[00:23:18] in perpetual night.

[00:23:20] Never a ship,

[00:23:22] never a human

[00:23:23] to greet me.

[00:23:24] Only a dreary moon

[00:23:26] that lit a sea

[00:23:27] of rancid blood

[00:23:29] bubbling and festering

[00:23:31] with futred entrails.

[00:23:33] If I dared to sleep,

[00:23:34] I was tormented

[00:23:35] by screaming ghouls.

[00:23:37] My eyes pecked

[00:23:38] out of my head

[00:23:38] each dreadful time

[00:23:39] by some ungodly crow creature

[00:23:41] with human hands

[00:23:42] that wrung my neck

[00:23:43] as he drove

[00:23:44] a staggered beak

[00:23:44] through my eyes

[00:23:45] and slashed my brain.

[00:23:52] Oh, geez.

[00:23:53] Well, I could have sworn

[00:23:54] you were at the pub.

[00:23:55] My bad.

[00:23:55] What should we do?

[00:23:57] I know what we're not

[00:23:58] going to do.

[00:23:58] We're going to follow

[00:23:59] that note's advice

[00:24:00] and we're not telling

[00:24:00] anyone about what we saw,

[00:24:01] okay?

[00:24:02] Right, right, right,

[00:24:03] right, right, right.

[00:24:04] No, I know, I know, I know.

[00:24:05] We are going back

[00:24:07] to the midnight library,

[00:24:09] though, right?

[00:24:09] Oh, yeah.

[00:24:10] You know it, dude.

[00:24:11] Yeah, totally.

[00:24:12] Hey, do you think

[00:24:12] they'd hire me full-time

[00:24:13] at the Brum and Fang pub?

[00:24:14] Because I think

[00:24:15] what happened

[00:24:15] counts as experience

[00:24:16] and that experience

[00:24:17] should look good

[00:24:18] in a resume

[00:24:18] and I can use the work,

[00:24:20] so I think we should

[00:24:21] head over there, you know?

[00:24:22] Just see what's going on, really.

[00:24:24] If they're hiring,

[00:24:25] if they offer good insurance.

[00:24:26] Ugh, man,

[00:24:27] I don't really want

[00:24:28] to go back there.

[00:24:30] I'm pretty sure

[00:24:30] I can get you

[00:24:31] Nosferatu's number.

[00:24:33] Ooh, I'm in.

[00:24:34] I knew that would

[00:24:35] get you back there

[00:24:35] because I know

[00:24:36] how much you need

[00:24:37] new platonic friends.

[00:24:42] Madam,

[00:24:43] did the village

[00:24:44] really used to have

[00:24:45] a lighthouse?

[00:24:46] It certainly did, darling.

[00:24:48] It was called

[00:24:49] Fiona's Pitch,

[00:24:51] after my great-grandmother

[00:24:53] who was famous

[00:24:54] for being a keeper there.

[00:24:56] Your grandmother?

[00:24:58] A sainted lighthouse keeper?

[00:25:00] A witch protecting lives?

[00:25:03] How can that be?

[00:25:06] Just the opposite, silly.

[00:25:08] Every time the flame was lit,

[00:25:11] she'd fly right out to it

[00:25:13] and blow it out.

[00:25:16] So, Fiona kept the lighthouse

[00:25:19] pitch black.

[00:25:21] I get it.

[00:25:22] Still, it was good

[00:25:24] in the town

[00:25:25] to name it after her,

[00:25:26] right?

[00:25:27] Um, my grandmother

[00:25:28] crashed ten ships

[00:25:30] and drowned nine hundred.

[00:25:33] You're right.

[00:25:34] Credit where credit's due.

[00:25:36] Uh-huh.

[00:25:42] You know,

[00:25:43] except for the part

[00:25:44] where the crow things

[00:25:45] pecked my eyes out

[00:25:46] and scarred my brain,

[00:25:47] I'm actually pretty glad

[00:25:48] we visited the Midnight Library.

[00:25:49] I think I know

[00:25:50] what the next episode

[00:25:51] of Scared All the Time

[00:25:52] is going to be.

[00:25:52] Ooh, what are we going

[00:25:53] to talk about?

[00:25:54] Nosferata?

[00:25:54] No, no,

[00:25:55] not going to be Nosferata.

[00:25:57] Fair enough.

[00:25:57] So what is it?

[00:25:59] I'm not going to spoil it for you.

[00:26:00] You'll find out

[00:26:01] when we record.

[00:26:02] Oh, just like always.

[00:26:03] So, listener,

[00:26:04] until that next episode drops,

[00:26:05] thanks for hanging out

[00:26:06] with us at the Midnight Library.

[00:26:08] Make sure you go listen

[00:26:09] to more of our show

[00:26:10] and Miranda's show

[00:26:11] and the rest of

[00:26:11] the Astonishing Legends Network

[00:26:13] wherever you get your podcasts.

[00:26:15] Until next time,

[00:26:16] I'm Chris Killary.

[00:26:17] And I'm Ed Vecola.

[00:26:18] And this has been

[00:26:19] Scared All the Time

[00:26:20] in the Midnight Library.

[00:26:21] We'll see you next time.

[00:26:22] Bye.

[00:26:24] Scared All the Time

[00:26:24] is co-produced by

[00:26:25] Chris Killary and Ed Vecola.

[00:26:27] Written by Chris Killary.

[00:26:28] Edited by Ed Vecola.

[00:26:30] Additional support

[00:26:31] and keeper of sanity

[00:26:32] is Tess Feifel.

[00:26:33] Our theme song

[00:26:34] is the track

[00:26:35] Scared

[00:26:35] by Perpetual Stew.

[00:26:36] And Mr. Disclaimer

[00:26:38] is

[00:26:39] And just a reminder,

[00:26:40] you can now support

[00:26:41] the podcast on Patreon

[00:26:42] and get all kinds

[00:26:43] of cool shit in return.

[00:26:44] Depending on the tier

[00:26:45] you choose,

[00:26:45] we'll be offering

[00:26:46] everything from

[00:26:46] ad-free episodes

[00:26:47] to producer credits,

[00:26:48] exclusive access,

[00:26:49] and exclusive merch.

[00:26:50] So go sign up

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[00:26:54] Don't worry,

[00:26:55] all scaredy cats welcome.

[00:26:57] No part of this show

[00:26:58] can be reproduced

[00:26:58] anywhere without permission.

[00:26:59] Copyright

[00:27:00] Astonishing Legends Productions.

[00:27:02] Tonight,

[00:27:02] we are in this together.

[00:27:04] Together.

[00:27:04] Together.

[00:27:05] Together.

[00:27:05] Together.